


I don't care (what they say about you)

by gaitorbait55



Series: Life Sucks [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death Mentioned, Clexa, F/F, Massive angst, fluff here and there, ya'll gunna hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:30:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4661535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaitorbait55/pseuds/gaitorbait55
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa's the new student at Polis High School. So far everything seems to be going well, until she meets Clarke. Clarke, the girl with all sorts of problems. Clarke wants nothing to do with Lexa (at least she keeps telling herself that) and Lexa wants everything to do with Clarke. </p><p>Will Clarke let Lexa into her life, possibly her heart? Or will Lexa turn away once she realize how broken the blue eyed girl is?<br/>[UPDATES are on Wednesdays/Thursdays]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First day

Lexa stepped out of the car, hoisting her backpack onto her shoulders as her gaze drifted to the large high school building in front of her. Polis High School: Home of the Arkers. At least that’s what the sign at the end of the school’s street said. She sighed to herself as she shut the door to the black car. She waved to her adopted mother as she drove off before walking up the steps and into the school. She went straight to the school’s office.  
“Good morning.” The woman at the front desk asked in an all too cheery voice. “How may I help you today.”  
“Hi. I’m Lexa Woods.” Lexa said; raising her forearms onto the desk to lean on them.  
“Oh. You’re the new student!” The blonde haired, obviously dyed, lady grinned. Her overly cheery act was making Lexa queasy. “I’m Ms.Gravens.” She said and handed Lexa her schedule. Lexa took her schedule and looked it over.  
“First period: English. Mr.Levens.” She read out loud.  
“That’s in the upstairs B hallway. Just take the stairs on the left and you’ll see the sign. Lexa nodded and mumbled a thanks before walking out of the office. She climbed up the stairs and glanced around. She located the B hallway and walked towards.  
“Room 212.” She saw on her paper when she glanced down at it. Luckily it had been only the second door on her left. She took a deep breath before pushing open the door.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Damn. Damnit, damnit!” Clarke muttered to herself as she practically ran down the hallway towards Mr. Levens’ classroom. She had under a minute to get there before the bell rang. Right as she was in sight of the classroom the bell rang. The blonde cursed again to herself. Just her luck she was late. She walked into the class and went straight to her seat.  
“Griffin. You’re late.” The teacher said as he marked her tardy.  
“I’m sorry sir.” She said as she took her seat at the back of the class, near the window.  
“Don’t let it happen again.” Mr. Levens said simply. “Alright class, get out last night’s homework please.” Clarke opened her bag and started going through.  
“Fuck don’t tell me…” Clarke muttered and realized she had forgotten her homework. Probably left it on her bed after doing it last night.  
“Clarke?” She looked up to Mr. Levens looking down at her.  
“Sir...I think I left it at home.” She told him. He sighed and shook his head before continuing to the next student, collecting the papers.  
“Not a good start today.” He said as he walked back to the front.  
“You have no idea.” Clarke silently groaned before putting her head on her desk. Today was not her day, just like almost every other day. She had woken up late this morning, so she didn’t have time to grab breakfast. She had to change her clothes twice after spilling coffee on herself. And because she woke up late she had missed the bus to school so she had to run all the way there. Now being late and not having her homework. Clarke wanted to shrivel up and die.  
“Hey Princess.” She heard a sneer in front of her. She squeezed her eyes, willing the person to go away. “You going to answer me or not.” The voice sneered again. She sighed and looked up at the boy known as Cage Wallace. The right of him sat Carl Emerson. They both were looking at her with sly grins.  
“Why so late this time Princess?” Cage asked as he leaned on her desk. “Did mommy not wake you up in time?” Carl snickered at that. Clarke looked away, trying to ignore him. Everyone knew how Clarke’s mother was always too ‘busy’ for Clarke. After her father’s death Abby had immersed herself in her line of work. She barely had time to even say hi to Clarke anymore, let alone wake her up in the morning. Clarke couldn’t even remember the last decent conversation they had together.  
“Carl. Cage. The desks are turned to the front for a reason.” The two bullies turned back around. Clarke opened her notebook to start taking notes. At first she was taking notes, but her mind soon drifted off and she started doodling. She was so caught up in her own mind that she didn’t hear the classroom door open until she heard her name being called. She snapped her head up and her breathe caught in her throat. There standing in the front of class was the most gorgeous girl she had ever seen. The brunette stood in ripped jeans, band shirt, combat boots and leather jacket. Her hair was up in many complicated braids and she looked like she could kill someone with a single look.  
“Clarke.” Mr. Levens said, clearing her throat. Clarke realized she was staring and shook her head slightly before raising her hand slightly. “You can take the seat next to her, Lexa.” The girl, Lexa, nodded and sat next to the blonde. Clarke glanced at her as she sat down. Lexa gave the girl a small smile.  
“Hi. I’m Lexa.” The brunette said softly. Clarke stiffened slightly before turning to her.  
“Clarke.” Clarke muttered, looking away to hide her blush. Lexa frowned, wondering why this beautiful girl was turning away from her. It’s not like she had done anything wrong, she only met her three minutes ago.  
On the other hand, Clarke was practically panicking in her head. She couldn’t for the life of her, wrap her head around the fact that this hot girl was attempting to talk to her. No one at school talked to her much anymore, much less girls as pretty as Lexa. It’s one reason why she didn’t attempt to keep the conversation going. She knew sooner or later Lexa would stop talking to her and move on to the more popular kids. The thought made her sad. She would have loved to get the know her...maybe even more than friends? Clarke shut that thought out of her head, knowing it wouldn’t happen.  
For the rest of class Clarke tried to pay attention to Mr. Levens, but the brunette beside was making it almost impossible. The way Lexa looked when she was concentrating was adorable. Lexa knew the blonde was looking at her every now and then. She thought about trying to start another conversation, but thought against it. She would try again after class. She could ask Clarke for directions for her next class. Anything to spend just a bit more time with her; maybe even exchange schedules to see how many (if any more) classes they had together.  
Lexa never got the chance though. Because just as the bell rang for the end of first period the blonde was already out of her seat and out the door.

________________________________________________________________________  
Clarke didn’t see Lexa again until lunch, which was right after fourth period. She walked into the cafeteria with her bag on her shoulders. Her stomach growled at the thought of food; she was pretty sure that because she hadn’t eaten breakfast that that’s why the school lunch actually looked good for once. As she started walking towards the lunch line she paused mid step as she saw Lexa. The brunette was looking around the cafeteria, more than likely looking for a place to sit. Before Clarke could dart away the other girl caught sight of her. Lexa gave Clarke a small smile and waved. Clarke froze once again; should she wave back or walk away?  
The decision was made when someone stepped in front of her.  
“Hey there Princess.” Cage grinned at her. Clarke unconsciously took a step back, her mouth suddenly dry. Carl stepped up next to them as well. Clarke glanced at them before glancing over their shoulders to where was watching them curiously. Which didn’t go unnoticed by Carl.  
“Does little Clarkey have a crush on the new girl?” Carl sneered at her, crossing his arms.  
“W-what!” Clarke stuttered, her face becoming bright red.  
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Cage laughed before getting in her face. “Don’t even try Griffin. You know kids like that don’t go for children like you.” He said menacingly. Tears sprung to her eyes. She looked away, willing them not to fall.  
“Aw is Princess Clarke going to cry?” Carl asked.  
“Why don’t you run back to daddy?” Clarke widened her eyes as he said this. “Oh wait you can’t.” That was the last straw. Clarke did what she was best at; she ran. Tears running down her face.

______________________________________________________________________________

Lexa was starting to get frustrated. She had only seen Clarke briefly again at lunch, before some other kids and cornered her. She assumed they were friends. Then she had seen the girl take off once more and it frustrated Lexa greatly. What was it about the blonde that interested her so much? She wanted to understand why the blonde felt the need to run from everything. After Clarke left, Lexa’s lunch wasn’t as great as it could have been. The two boys who she had seen talking to Clarke had approached her after she had gotten her lunch.  
“Hey, Lexa, right?” The the taller boy said with a grin. “Cage Wallace.” He said and stuck his hand out to shake her’s. She just lifted an eyebrow at him. His confidence faltered for a moment before it came back at full force. “Well I just wanted to welcome you to our neighborhood.” Lexa nodded slightly and was about to turn to leave when the other boy spoke up.  
“We wanted to know if you wanted to join our table.” He said, pointing at a table not to far away. Two girls were already sitting there. Lexa narrowed her eyes, thinking about it for a moment before shrugging. She had wanted to sit next to Clarke, but seeing at the girl wasn’t even in the cafeteria she might as well. “Awesome, let’s go. I’m Carl by the way.” Carl flashed her a pearly smile, which Lexa assumed he was trying to flirt. As they reached the table, Cage spoke up once again.  
“Good even ladies. Lexa this is Lorelie Tsing and Mya.” He stated, not really bothering with too much introductions. She nodded her head at them before sitting down across from them. Cage and Carl started talking to them about some football game that was happening soon, apparently they were football players. Lexa drowned their voices out, her mind on a certain blonde.  
“May I ask something?” Lexa asked after a little bit.  
“Yeah sure.” Cage said, giving her a grin that she found all too creepy.  
“What were talking to Clarke about?” She asked, watching their expressions. She was curious to what was said that made the girl run.  
“Oh that.” Cage said. “It was nothing, trust me.” He said grinning again. “You should probably just stay away from her honestly.”  
“Why..?” Lexa asked with a frown. Clarke had seemed...okay. Not rude per say, but perhaps shy?  
“You’re new here so I’ll give you the basics of that girl.” Cage said and leaned closer. “Don’t trust her. She’ll backstab you in a heartbeat. Heard she did it to that Reyes girl.”  
“Yeah, didn’t Clarke steal her boyfriend behind her back?” Tsing asked.  
“Yeah, slept with him to.” Carl replied. “She’s a bitch and would probably open her legs for just about anyone.” Lexa felt her blood boil for some reason when she listened. It angered her that they were saying these things; but she had to wonder. Were these things true? She looked over at Mya and noticed she was quietly looking at the table, picking at her food. She narrowed her eyes at the quiet girl, wondering what she was thinking.  
“I have to go.” Lexa muttered before walking away, not bothering on listening for their replies. She dumped her tray and walked out of the cafeteria. She hoped she had another class with the blonde. She really wished to get to know her better instead of hearing about her from rumors.

______________________________________________________________________________

Clarke sighed as she walked towards the gymnasium. Gym was her last class of the dya before she could go home. Thank god. She had found out that she and Lexa shared three classes so far, History and Geometry. Luckily they both sat at opposite sides of the room so she didn’t have to interact with the burnette. She knew Lexa kept trying to talk to her; she kept on avoiding her. So far it had worked out great, but her luck was about to chance. She walked into the girls locker room and stopped in her tracks, internally groaning. There standing in front of a locker was Lexa. The brunette was changing into some gym clothes their teacher had so graciously provided for her. She sighed and went over to a corner of the room to also change.  
“Hey Clarke.” Lexa said when she saw Clarke start changing. She tried to keep her eyes on the lockers in front of her as the blonde changed, but that creamy skin was getting to her. Clarke didn’t reply for a few moments and Lexa thought she wasn’t going to reply at all but then she heard a quiet, “Hi..” from the blonde. They locked eyes, blue and green, for a moment and Lexa could have crumbled from the broken look these sky blue eyes had. Lexa blinked once and that was all it took for the other girl too rush out of the locker room. Lexa sighed as Clarke left, wondering what it was about her that made her run. She knew the blonde was avoiding her; but Lexa was stubborn. She wasn’t going to stop until Clarke stopped running.  
She walked out of the locker room in her black shorts and white shirt. She glanced around for the blonde and noticed she was sitting on the bleachers. Before she could start walking over she heard the gym coach call her name.  
“Woods.” Coach James walked up to her. “Just because it’s your first day here doesn’t make you an exception to the rules.” He said, crossing his arms. Lexa bit the inside of her cheek and nodded. “Each student has five minutes to get dressed. I’ll let it slide once but don’t make the same mistake twice.”  
“Yes sir.” Lexa replied with a nod.  
“Good. Now that that’s done;” He looked off to the side where Clarke was. “Griffin!” Clarke’s head popped up to look at them. “You spent a few extra minutes in there as well, and you definitely know the rules. I want a few extra laps from you.” He told her before walking off. “Everyone to the track field!”  
The class shuffled out and Coach blew the whistle once everyone was on the track. As Lexa started a fast job she looked at her classmates and noticed Tsing and Cage in the class as well. The two of them were running besides each other, laughing and talking. Lexa rolled her eyes at them; it was just the first day and she was already tired of them.  
After almost five laps in, Lexa noticed how Cage and Tsing were falling behind the rest a bit. They had stopped chit chatting a bit ago to save their breathe. Wise choice, Lexa thought. She looked to the side of her where Clarke was running. The girl had kept up with the more faster students, which surprised Lexa. Lexa couldn’t help but let a small smile greet her face when the other girl looked at her for a moment. The moment was ruined when they both heard Cage’s voice.  
“Better run faster Griff!” He said, sounding out of breathe. “They’re going to get you! They’re still coming after you!” Lexa saw Clarke stumble slightly, before taking off at almost full speed, her head down. Lexa’s eyes widened at the girl before turning her head to glare at the other two. Whom weren’t even paying attention, to busy laughing at their inside joke. Lexa quickened her pace a bit, leaving the two in the dust, and before she knew it she was done with her two mile run. She put her arms over her head to breathe easier and looked back at the track. Clarke had finished her two miles already but Coach had made her do two extra laps. The girl was still practically running and she was finished in just a few short moments after Lexa.  
“Nice job Griffin.” Coach said once she was finished. Clarke nodded stiffly before going to grab a drink from the fountain near by. Lexa watched her walk, wondering what she could do to cheer her up.  
After everyone was finished, Coach made them do a few other exercises before deciding that they were done for the day. Lexa saw Tsing walk into the locker room, followed by Clarke.  
“Woods.” She heard Coach call her once more before she could make it to the locker room. “Excellent job out there today. Just don’t be late tomorrow and you’ll be all set.” He said, giving her a small smile. She smiled back and made her way to the locker room. Tsing walked out fo the room, smiling at Lexa as she past. Lexa just nodded and continued on inside. Lexa frowned as she heard sniffles coming from the room. She walked in further and saw Clarke facing away from her, her shoulders shaking slightly.  
“Clarke?” Lexa called out softly. She saw the blonde stiffen, then she moved her hands up to her face. Lexa presumed she was wiping tears. “Clarke? Are you okay?” She walked over and placed her hand on the smaller girls’ shoulders.  
“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” Clarke said before grabbing her stuff. “Don’t worry about it.” She muttered.  
“Hey, I will worry about if you’re crying.” Lexa told her. When Clarke turned around to face her her heart broke for the blonde. Green met broken blue eyes. Lexa could see so much pain and hurt in them. “What happened?” She asked. What happened next surprised her.  
“It’s nothing. None of your business. Why can’t you just leave me alone?!” Clarke practically yelled before storming out. Lexa flinched at her tone and watched her leave. She stayed for a moment, frowning. She wasn’t mad at her, the girl was hurt by something and it was obvious she didn’t have many friends. She remembered when she was younger and she used to lash out at people; the same way Clarke was doing to her. Lexa had had no one for a long time, until Anya came along. Lexa was so lost and broken before Anya.  
Lexa grabbed her stuff and walked out of the locker room just as the last bell rang. She walked to the parking lot with determination. She had made up her mind: she wouldn’t stop until she befriended Clarke.


	2. Murphy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay; I'm going to explain a few things just in case anyone is confused.  
> People's ages:  
> Clarke: 18  
> Lexa: 19  
> Murphy: 19  
> Bellamy: 21  
> Octavia:18  
> Raven: 18  
> Cage: 19  
> Tsing: 18  
> Mya: 17  
> Emerson: 18

Clarke sighed as she walked home from school. Her mind kept wandering to green eyes and a soft face. She shook her head to try and clear the images. She hated how it had only been one day of meeting Lexa and already she couldn’t get the brunette out of her head. She growled lightly to herself and ran a hand through her blonde hair. She readjusted her backpack that was hanging off of one shoulder as she continued her way home. She checked her father’s watch that was on her wrist and sighed yet again; it was only 5:20. She didn’t feel like going home just yet. Honestly she didn’t feel like going home at all. She stopped by an alley and leaned up against the wall and took out her phone and checked her messages. She smiled slightly as she saw she had several. One from her friend Raven and two more from the Blake siblings. She debated whether or not to text them back right now. She decided she might as well because she knew they would just get worried about her.  
Raven-fucking-Reyes(2:34pm): Hey girl. How are you lately? Clarkey_G.(5:23pm): Hey. Doin OK  
She texted Raven first, since the girl was the one to text her first. Then she slide to the Blake’s messages.  
Octo-Blake (3:56pm): What’s up?  
Clarkey_G(5:23pm): Hey O. nm  
BigBroBell(4:02pm): Hey Clarke. How was school today?  
Clarkey_G(5:24pm): Hey Bell. It was ok, just like  
every other school day I suppose  
She was about to put her phone back in her pocket when her phone vibrated and she saw another message from Raven.  
Raven-fucking-Reyes(5:25pm): You sure? We’re worried about you Clarke…  
Clarke bit her lip and put her phone away once she read it. She knew they worried about her, they might have been the only ones to care about her nowadays. She felt tears sting her eyes when she thought about her only friends but she blinked them away. They had each known each other since grade elementary but they were gone now. All of her friends were in different parts of the country and she hated it. Bellamy had taken his sister far away from the town, far away from their mother, as soon as he was able to. She couldn’t blame him for that though. Their mother had been an abusive drunk and druggie. Always staying at home, bringing men to their house for extra cash; only to spend it on more alcohol. The Blake siblings had taken care of themselves since they were little and had continued when they were older. Bellamy had sworn that as soon as he was going to college he would rent an apartment for both him and his sister. That promise became reality much sooner than expected. Clarke squeezed her eyes as the memory of the night came back to her.  
~~FLASHBAK~~

Clarke had just gotten done with her homework for the day and was just leaning back on her bed to take a small nap when her phone started ringing. She picked it up and checked to see who it was. It was Bellamy. She smiled and answered it.  
“Hey Bell-” She started to greet her friend but was immediately cut off.  
“Clarke?! Clarke! You’ve gotta come to my house NOW!” He practically screamed before her cut the call. Clarke took the phone away from her ear and looked at it with wide eyes for a second before grabbing her shoes and taking off out of her room and down the stairs, not bothering telling her mother where she was going. She took off running towards the Blake’s house. When she got their she saw the door wide open and heard yelling.  
“How could you do this to us?! To her!! She’s your daughter!!” Bellamy was screaming, apparently at their mother. Clarke ran up the steps of their porch and went through the threshold and stopped in her tracks. She gasped at what she saw. Bellamy was standing near the kitchen, his back to her, and facing his mother who was looking the most pisseed off sh’s ever seen. Octavia was sitting on the ground leaning up against the wall holding her arm with tears running down her face.  
“Listen to me boy.” Clarke’s head snapped up when she heard their mother speak. “I brought you into this world so that makes you mine. I need more cash and what she can do will help me get it.” Their mother hissed, pointing to the 15 year old old the ground. Clarke went over and kneeled down next to her, holding out her hands so she could check out Octavia’s arm. Octavia sniffled and let Clarke look at her arm.  
“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Bellamy screamed at her. “She’s 15 and you’re trying to turn into a whore just like you!” He got in her face.  
“Watch your tongue boy!” Their mother raged as she took a small step back when her eldest son took one forward. Bellamy was an 18 year old that was several inches taller than herself. And right now he was using all the height he had to intimidate her.  
“That’s it!!” Bellamy snarled. “I’ve had it with you. We’ve been trying to take care of you for years. I could handle you getting drunk or fucked up every night. I can handle cleaning up your puke every other night. I could take your abusive words and how you acted. I could take you being fucked every other night by a different man.But this was the last straw. You hurt Octavia, tried to force a man on her, and for what? A couple extra bucks?! You’ve hurt us for the last time!” Bellamy was breathing hard after he got in her once more. “I’m taking my little sister far away from you and this place. You’ll never see her again, and I’ll make sure of it.” He told her before turning away. His softened as he looked at his sister with Clarke.  
“Y-You can’t do that!” They heard their mother. He turned his head slightly to give her a stone cold look before saying:  
“Watch me.”

~~End FlashBack~~  
That night had been the last night she saw the Blake siblings. Bellamy had taken his sister to the ER after Clarke told him that she had broken her arm and had several deep cuts that need stitches. She had asked him what happened and what he told her horrified her. Their mother had hired a man to take Octavia’s virginity. Apparently the man was waiting for Octavia to get home from school and tried taking her upstairs when Bellamy came through the front door. Bellamy had had worked that day but called in sick to go take care of somethings he needed down to look for a college. He was so glad he had take that day off.

~~Flashback~~  
“You should have seen her Clarke..” Bellamy said as they waited outside of Octavia's hospital room. “She was crying and screaming while my mother watched…” Bellamy’s hands tightened in rage. Clarke put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “She just watched as her daughter was about to get fucking raped.” He growled out.  
“How’d she brake her arm..?” Clarke asked.  
“I’m… not to sure about that I think it was during the struggle of the guy trying to take her up stairs. When I walked in she was up against a wall holding her arm crying. I was about to ask her what happened when I saw a cup get thrown her way and shattered against the wall. I’m guessing that’s where all the gashing and cut came from.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “That’s when I called you. Sorry about that by the way.”  
“Bell, there’s no need to say sorry.” Clarke told him seriously.  
“I know...I just.. didn’t know what to do.. I’m used to my mother bringing home men for herself..but for Octavia? I sorta lost it and beat the guy to mush…”  
“Good. He deserved it. I’m just glad Octavia’s out of that situation.”  
“Me too Clarke. Me too.”

~~End Fkashback~~  
After the night at the Hospital Bellamy took Octavia and flew them both across the country to Georgia where he had been looking at apartments for them. Clarke missed them both so much. She sighed and shook her head, trying to get the awful memories out of her head. She stood up off the wall and started walking in the opposite directions of her house. She need a stress reliever and knew exactly where to find one.  
_____________________________________________________________________

Murphy puffed on his cigarette when he heard a knock on his door. He sighed in annoyance when he heard it again not a moment later. He walked down the stairs in just shorts and a tee. He grumbled to himself as he answered his door.  
“Whoever it is better have a good-” He cut himself off when he saw who it was. “Oh, hey Clarke. What’s up?” He asked, his whole demeanor changed when he realized it was her.  
“Hey Murph.” She said and walked in. He moved out of the way to let her in. “I just needed somewhere to be right now.” She said as she headed to the living room and threw herself on the couch.  
“What is it this time, huh? School? Yer mom? Both?” He asked as he went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer for her. She mumbled a thanks when he gave it to her before sitting down next to her.  
“Both and then some.” She said and opened the bottle before taking a large gulp.  
“And then some?” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s not much of an answer Princess.” He said before taking a sip of his own beer he had gotten for himself. She sighed as he said her nickname, a more relieved sigh because Murphy said her nickname with kindness instead of the mocking tone her bullies used.  
“...there’s this new girl.” Clarke finally said after a few moments of silence.  
“So?” Murphy said, getting more comfortable on the couch. He lifted his feet to rest of the coffee table in front of them. “There’s always new kids here and there.” He looked at her, noticing she was looking down at her drink. “Unless…” He shifted slightly and saw her face redden a smudge. “Holy shit Clarkey’s got a fucking crush.” He smirked at her.  
“What?! No. Dman it Murph!” Clarke tried to stop the redness she knew was coming on her face.  
“Ha! Can’t deny it Princess.” He chuckled. “So whatcha gonna do about it?”  
“Do about it?” She asked with a frown.  
“Uh, yeah. How are you going to win the attention of this girl?” He asked giving her a ‘duh’ look. “What does she look like anyways?”  
“Why?” Clarke asked with a grin. “Do I need your approval?”  
“But of course Princess!” Murphy exclaimed, trying to have a serious face. “I’m practically your caretaker! I need to know if this woman s good for my little girl.” He said with a chuckle. Clarke shook her head and laughed before sobering up.  
“I’m not going to do anything.” She said quietly.  
“Why not Clarke?” He asked, noticing the mood die down.  
“Because...I can’t-not again.” Clarke said practically choking on her words. Her throat tightened as she fought back tears; memories of her last relationship coming to the front of her mind.  
“Hey, Clarke.” Murphy said as he saw her going back into her head. “Clarke.” Her head snapped up to him. “Clarke, it won’t be like last time. Fi- He, was a jerk. He was an asshole that didn’t deserve you. Or Raven.” Murphy said to her.  
“Maybe...but what if..” Clarke trialed off.  
“Exactly. What if? What if it doesn’t? What if you actually like her? What if she actually makes you happy?” He said gently. She shrugged. He sighed and shook his head. “Just think about it. But in the mean time, to take your mind off of it for now” He got up and grabbed a small bag of white powder and tossed it to her. “Remember how to do it?” He grinned.  
“Hell yeah.” She grinned back and opened the bag. She poured some on the table in a line and sniffed it up. She lied back on the couch and waited for the drug to kick it. She needed this, needed to get her mind off of school, her bullies, her mom… Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so Clarke is a druggie. But only becuase of her depression. This chapter was a bit shorter than I wanted but it got the point across so I'm happy. Not any Lexa, sadly, but she'll show up in the next chapter or so. This chapter was one of many that will show more of Clarke's past. It's really intense tbh. I wanted Murphy in this story real bad tbh and I know he is an asshole but I freaking love him lol. And he fit the role as Clarke's drug dealer/friend lol. Lexa will help Clarke. You just have to wait for when XD


	3. Sister Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya is roughly 24 years old. Not much of Clarke in this one sadly, but I promise you she will appear in the next one! This chapter is sadly not as long as I'd hoped but it was, like the last one, important to write. It sets a bit more of the setting and a bit more of background info for Lexa. Mostly dialouge in this chapter. Plus I seriously freaking love Anya and Lexa's relationship!!  
> Clexa moments will come into play real soon, don't worry. Costia will be mentioned in the story at some point, her and Lexa's relationship will be explained at that point. Hope you enjoy! Questions or comments you know where to put them!

Lexa didn’t see Clarke for the rest of the week. Four whole days went by that Lexa didn’t see the cute little blonde with tears in those pretty blue eyes. It made Lexa worry a bit, but when she asked Cage and his groupies about it they just brushed it off; saying that the girl did it all the time. That made her worry even more. Before she knew it the weekend arrived and she made her way home. She opened the door to her house and sighed as she hung her bag up on the hook near the door before taking her shoes off.

“Why the long face kiddo?” Lexa jumped slightly at hearing the voice not to far away. She looked up and saw her life long friend Anya leaning up against a wall holding a cup of something in her hand.

“Hey Anya, didn’t see you there.” Lexa said as she walked over, grabbing the cup and taking a sip. Lexa grimaced when tasted straight black coffee.

“And that’s what you get for not asking.” Anya chuckled and took back her cup.

“I don’t understand how you can drink that stuff.” Lexa said as she walked to the kitchen. Although Lexa didn’t look like it, she had a massive sweet tooth, and she loved her coffee with the most amount of sugar she could fit into one cup.

“Everybody’s tastebuds are different.” Anya replied as she followed. She watched Lexa make herself a cup of coffee, scrunching up her nose when she saw Lexa put an ungodly amount of sugar in it. “And I don’t know how in the world you can drink that stuff.”

“Everybody's tastebuds are different.” Lexa mocked with a small grin.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Lexa.” Anya said with a roll of her eyes, but couldn't help the smile on her face. Lexa just grinned back and sipped her coffee. “Anyways.” Anya continued. “You never answered my question.”

“And what was this so called question?” Lexa asked, pretending to not know. Which earned her a small glare from the older girl.

“Don’t make me repeat it Lexa.” Anya said, crossing her arms. As best as she could with her coffee anyways. She saw Lexa sigh again and walk into the living room. Anya follwoed and watched the girl flop onto the couch, putting her cup down on the small table nearby. Anya went and sat next to her, putting her cup down as well. “C’mon Lex. I’m practically your sister, you can tell me anything.”

“I know.”Lexa replied before running a hand through her hair. “Remember that girl I told you about?”

“The cute blonde?”

“Yeah that one.”

“Okay, what about her?” Anya asked with a frown.

“She wasn’t at school today. Or yesterday. Or for like, the entire week for that matter.” Lexa said with a frown.

“And?” Anya asked curiously. “Maybe there’s something going on right now. I'm sure she’ll be back come Monday, Lex.”

“That’s the thing though….” Lexa sighed. “I asked some of the other kids there and they said that she does that regularly. Like every other week.”

“Oh..well that’s a bit...odd.” Anya said. “Wasn’t see a bitch to you though?”

“Yes and no… I don’t think she had many friends honestly.” Lexa said, looking at her. “She doesn’t seem to talk to anyone, and I saw her cry in the locker room.”

“What was she crying about?”

“I have no idea. When I tried to ask she basically told me to fuck off.” Anya couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. In which Lexa frowned and elbowed her slightly.

“Sorry, sorry. Not funny. But still, someone telling the great Commander to ‘fuck off’ is a kinda funny.” Anya grinned as she saw her best friend’s face redden.

“Anya.” Lexa glared at her. “I thought we agreed on forgetting that nickname.”

“You might have said for me not to, but I have yet to agree on it.” Anya grinned wickedly. “Besides. How the hell am I supposed to forget that ‘awful nickname’ when that’s all I hear whenever you take a girl to your bedroom.” Lexa’s face got even redder. It wasn’t her fault that girl’s just tended to scream out Commander in bed; well, okay so maybe it was her fault. But she couldn’t help it if she was just that good in bed.

“Well...that’s besides the point.” Lexa said, looking focusing anywhere but at her grinning best friend.

“Yes, back to the point….which was what again?”

“Clarke crying.” Lexa said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh yeah.” Anya leaned back against the couch. “Why do you care so much anyways?” She asked as she crossed her arms behind her head.

“She just...seems like she needs a friend…” Lexa said, trailing off a bit. She wouldn’t admit that she was starting to develop a crush on the smaller girl. Even though she had seen and talked to her only a handful of times, and as much as she was trying to deny it herself, she was starting to develope feelings.

“And there’s no other reason?” Anya pushed with a knowing smirk. “No reason at all Little Lexie?”

“No.” Lexa huffed out, glaring at her. Anya studied her facail expression before grining an dleaning back furthur. Lexa narrowed her eyes. “Why are you grining now?”

“Oh nothing.”

“Anya.”

“Fine, fine. I’m just waiting for you to let loose those little butterflies, I know you have for that girl, loose.”

“I-I do not have butterflies.” Lexa stuttered for a moment.

“And that my dear friend just proves it.” Anya smirked.

“does not.”

“Does too.”

“Does not.”

“Fine. Look me in the eye then.” Anya said, sitting up and turning her body to face Lexa. “Tell me ‘I, Lexa Woods, do not have a crush on the cute little blonde in my class.’ Say that without blushing or smiling” Lexa frowned.

“That doesn’t seem quite far….” She mumbled.

“Just do it.” Lexa huffed and turned her body towards the older girl as well.

“I, Lexa woods…..” She paused, swallowing before continuing. “Do not have a crush….on the little..” She could feel her face heat up. “c-cute blonde…..i-in my class.” Lexa looked away after she said it, knowing she failed.

“HA! Called it.” Anya said smugly.

“Okay fine so I may have a crush on her.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “It’s not like anything could happen.” She mumbled.

“And how do you know this?” Anya said with a bored expression.

“Because Anya.” Lexa sighed. “One; I don’t even know if she likes girls. Two; she seems to be going through shit and might not even be looking for a relationship… three; what if she does like girls but doesn’t like me that way?”

“Lexa, Lexa, Lexa.” Anya tsked. “Be friends with her, get closer and get to know her more.” She said that as if it was the most obvious thing to do. “I wasn’t saying just go up to her come Monday and tell her you want to get in her pants.”

“Anya!”

“Besides,” Anya continued, ignoring Lexa’s outburst. “You said she doesn’t seem to have anyone to lean on right?” After Lexa nodded she continued. “Then be that person Lexa. Remember how I was there for you?”

“Of course, how could I forget?”

“Be that person for her. Everyone goes through there own shit from time to time. Who knows what’s going through that girl’s mind.” Anya smiled a bit. “Though if and when you do bring her home I’m interrogating her just like the rest of your girlfriends.” She grinned at Lexa’s glare. “But seriously Lex. Just be there for her at first and see where it goes.”

Lexa sighed and nodded. “Thanks Anya.”

“No problem Kiddo, I’m always here for you.” Anya gave Lexa a one armed hug.

“Now...What’s for dinner?” Lexa grinned.

_____________________________________________________________________

During dinner Lexa and Anya continued talking about the rest of Lexa’s week at school. Lexa told her about the assholes at her school (including Cage and her his group.) In which Anya asked why the hell she was even saying hi to them. Lexa responded to her with :I just want to stay informed and keep an eye on them incase they hurt Clarke in any way.” Anya just smirked at that.After dinner Lexa went upstairs to go to bed early. She had a long day and she just wanted to sleep. She changed into her sleep wear, which was just a black tank top and boy shorts, and brushed her teeth. Before getting into bed she looked at her phone and saw she had a message from one of the kids she meet in algebra class.

_Gustis (Algevra due): going to this new club tomorrow night called The DropShip. You interested?_

Lexa looked up from her phone and thought about it. On one hand it would be nice to get out and try to make new friends, but she decided against it at the last moment.

_Lexa: No, sorry. I've already made plans for this weekend. Maybe next weekend? Go there for me and check out the place please? Don't really wanna go if it's gonna be dull and stuff_

_Gustus (Algebra dude): Aw okay. That's fine, I'll let you know how it goes and if it does go well then we can go next weekend like you said_

_Lexa: sounds cools, keep me informed_

_Gustus (Algebra dude): Ma'am yes Ma'am :D_

Lexa gave a small smile as she put her phone down. She was pretty sure the poor boy had a crush on her; I mean, who wouldn’t? If she were into boys then she might’ve considered dating the kid, but as it is she was not into guys like that. She would have to turn him down eventually. She just hoped it wouldn't hinder their friendship; he seemed to be a really nice guy.

Lexa sighed again, she seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and got into bed. She pulled up the covers to her chin and grabbed the stuffed, ragged, grey cat that was sitting on the small dresser next to bed, pulling it closer to her. Before her parents had died, they had gotten her the stuffed animal and she couldn’t throw it away. Although she didn’t have many memories of them, it was one of the last things she had of them. She curled up with it and closed her eyes. She fell asleep with thoughts of what it would feel like to have a certain blonde sleep in her arms instead of the stuffed kitten.


	4. "Quit it!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa hears some more or less rumors of Clarke.
> 
> Lexa is also very stubborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa being a lost puppy sounds cute tbh. Just a thought.
> 
> I didn't realy like the first part of the chapter, idk it just seemed a bit choppy honeslty. But the more I wrote the more it seemed to flow, hopefully anyways.

“Holy shit this weekend was great!”

 

“Oh yeah? What was so great about this weekend?”

 

“Party animal Clarke Griffin that’s what was so great.”

 

Lexa was walking through the halls of the school as she heard part of a conversation. She paused in her steps,frowned, and looked over at the two boys that were talking. The blonde boy was leaning against the lockers, wearing a green plain and blue jeans; the other blonde boy, wearing a white shirt and jeans, was standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets. Lexa walked over to them silently as they continued talking.

 

“Oh really?” The shorter blonde boy asked the taller one, who was leaning against the lockers.

 

“Hell yeah. You’ve never seen that girl in action before, but lemme tell you.” The boy said with a smug grin. “To bad she doesn’t do dudes though. It was so damn hot watching her flat out drunk making out with that chick though”

 

“So the rumors are true?”

 

“Oh yeah, she’s a fucking lesbo. A hot one, but still.”

 

“That’s quite rude to say, isn’t it?” Lexa said a foot away from them, a glare on her face. She enjoyed the way the two boys jumped, clearly startled by her presence.

 

“Well hey there hottie.” The smug boy said with a smirk, trying to mask that he was just startled. “Anything me or my friend could be of assistance with?” He asked as he looked her up and down.

 

“Actually yes,” Lexa paused for a moment, having to stop her eyes from rolling to the heavens and back. She decided to dub the taller one Inconsiderate and the shorter one just plain Stupid. “You were talking about Clarke, right?”

 

“Yeah, why?” Stupid asked with a raised eebrow.

 

“Where did you guys go this weekend?” She asked.

 

“Went to the new club, Dropship, or something.” Inconsiderate asked, his voice dropping down slightly. “Why you asking, wanna come with us next time?”

 

“For your information; no. I would not wish to stand next to you even if we were separated by a ten foot pole.I just needed some information” And with that, Lexa left the two.

 

“Dude, did we just get used?” Lexa heard as she walking to class.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke sighed as she walked into her English class, for once on time. She paused and glanced around, her eyes stopped on the brunette that was sitting in the seat next to her. Clarke sighed internally again as she went and took her seat. she had successfully manages to avoid the girl for a better part of a week, probably because she didn’t even go to school. Once she sat down, and put her stuff down, she put her pointer and middle fingers on her temples and began to rub them. When she woke up that morning she was very, very hung over and almost didn’t get out of bed for school. Though now she regrets not going because she still has a massive headache; though, luckily her stomach had settled once she had breakfast though.  Drinking on a school night was not one of her better choices.

 

Lexa watched the blonde close her eyes and rub her temples. She frowned slightly as Clarke then laid her head on the desk, not even caring that the teacher had started the lesson. She pulled out her phone and started to text Gus, wanting even more information about the girl in the seat next to her.

 

_Lexa: Hey Gus. How are you?_

 

She typed out onto her phone because although all she really wanted was information on the girl, she knew it was rude to just start firing questions. Especially since the boy had been so nice to her so far.

 

_Gustos (Algebra dude): Hey! I'm good, you?_

 

_Lexa: I'm doing good. Can I ask you something?_

 

_Gustos (Algebra dude): Sure, anything._

 

_Lexa: What can you tell me about Clarke Griffin?_

 

_Gustos (Algebra dude): Uh...that's a bit difficult tbh. I don't know her personaly, just from a distacne really. But what I can tell you is this; she wasn't always so closed off like she is right now. Back in 7th grade she was a kind person. Her mom's a doc, at least the last time I check. Clarke helped me once when I scrapped my knee back then. Something happened though..I don't know honeslty. She went away for a year and came back a totally ner person. That was also about the time the Blakes and that Reyes girl moved out of town too._

 

_Lexa: Who are they?_

 

_Gustos (Algebra dude): I think they were her best friends, the Blakes and Reyes. they did everything together. Bellamy and Octavia, the Blakes, moved away because their mom was a drunk. She abused them, or so I'm told, and all I really know is that they moved away becasue of her. Raven, not 100% sure about her. Only rumors that Clarke betrayred her trust and then some car accedent happened or something_

 

Lexa frowned. Clarke betrayed her best friend? She glanced at the blonde again and shook her head slightly. Clarke didn’t seem like the kind of person to backstab someone else. The girl looked to fragile at times to even think about it. And the Blakes and Reyes girl? She had heard rumors about them ever since she started coming here. She needed to get to the bottom of said rumors; everything pointed to Clarke being the bad guy and Lexa didn’t believe that for a moment.

 

_Lexa: What about her dad?_

 

_Gustos (Algbra dude):Uhm... that's a touchy subject. Something happened in some accedent. no one really knows for sure tbh. Clarke has never, at least that I know of, told anyone what happened. but apparently she didn't go to school for almsot two months because she was in the hospital becasue of it_

 

Lexa gaped at her phone for a moment. Accident? Lexa frowned, she’s never seen any scars on the girl before. She took a closer look at Clarke’s choice of clothing and realized that she’s never actually seen Clarke without some type of long sleeve. Even when they went to gym that one time, Clarke had worn a long sleeved under armor.

 

“Clarke, read the next passage please?”

 

Clarke’s head shot up as soon as she heard Mr. Levens’ voice directed to her. She looked at him before looking down at her desk, which was empty of the book they were reading.

 

“Uh…” She bit her lip, her face reddening.

 

“You don’t even have the book on your desk.” He stated as he shook his head. “Next time please have the book open. It’s page 245. Have in open because I will be calling you next.” He said and walked back to the front of the room, choosing the next person to read. Lexa watched from the corner of her eye as Clarke looked for her book.

 

“Shit.” She heard her curse quietly. “Of fucking course I don’t have it.” Clarke sighed and ran a hand through her golden tresses.

 

“Here.” Lexa said and scooted a bit closer to the blonde, moving her book with her. “We can share if you want.” She said looking into blue eyes. Clarke visibly swallowed before nodding slightly.

 

“...thanks.” She mumbled before looking at the book. Lexa pointed to where they were at. Clarke was ready to read by the time the teacher called on her.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke walked around outside during lunch. She thought about getting food, but after seeing Cage and his groupies standing by the lunch line she thought better of it. So here she was, eyes closed and ears open, walking around the bleachers by the football field. She had a slight smile on her face as she smelt the air; clean and crisp. It was a cooler day than usual and for that she was happy. She opened her eyes and jumped when she saw a certain brunette leaning against the stair railing, watching her. A spike of anger, and a hint of fear, shot up her at the thought of being watched.

 

“Hey there.” Lexa said, her voice friendly. For some reason it only fueled her anger.

 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke bit at her, putting her hands on her hips.

 

“Saw you didn’t get lunch…” Lexa said with a shrug, trying not to frown at the blonde’s behavior. “Just thought you might want something to eat.” She held out a small bag that had a sandwich.

 

“I don’t need anything from you. Not your help nor your food.” Clarke stormed past the girl. Lexa rolled her eyes and took a breath before following the girl. Clarke walked past the bleachers and the field till she got to the school gate.She was so lost in her anger towards Lexa that she didn’t realize she was being followed by the burnett till she reached the gate.

 

“Where are you going?” Lexa asked with a frown.

Clarke sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She knew she shouldn’t have come to school today. Attendance be damned. She needed to get away from the girl that made her heart beat wildly and stomach flutter.

 

“None of your damn business.” Clarke snapped before going to a portion of the fence that was broken and stepping through it.

 

“Okay.” Was all Lexa said as she followed her once again. They walked in silence for a few moments before Clarke’s frustration got the best of her.

 

“Will you quit it?!” She turned around and snapped at her. “Stop following me for God’s sake!”

 

“Why?” Lexa asked, not at all affected by the blonde's tone. Clarke gaped at her in bewilderment.

 

“B-because!” She fumbled to find some type of answer.

 

“Not really a good explanation.” Lexa said with a slight smile. The blonde sure was cute when she was angry.

 

“I don’t need to explain anything to you.” Clarke said before sighing. she turned around and crossed her arms. She could feel her eyes shimmer with tears. “Looks,” She started with a shaky sigh. “I’ve had a long weekend, long day. I’ve got a massive headache and I don’t feel real well. So could you please, please leave me alone?” She asked, not turning around.

 

Lexa felt her heartbreak at how broken clarke sounded. She was a bit amused when the blonde got angry, but immediately felt guilt when she heard the shaky sigh come from the girl.

 

“Why?” She asked softly. “Why do  you wish to be alone?”

 

“Because….” Clarke blinked her eyes, willing the tears away. No one’s seen her cry in such a long time.

 

“Look, I don’t know what I’ve done for you to hate me so..” Lexa said, taking a small step forward. “Or why you’re like this with everyone...but Clarke.” She put her hand on her shoulder and turned the girl around to face her. “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

 

And with that Clarke felt the tears that she had tried so hard to keep at bay, spiral down her cheeks. She sobbed and slammed her eyes shut. She felt two strong arms slide around her and keep her steady when she felt her knees give out. It only made her cry harder. Lexa could feel her shirt became soaked with tears, but she didn’t give it a second thought. She pulled the smaller girl closer and she sucked in a breath when she heard her next words.

  
“You don’t understand.” Clarke sobbed into Lexa’s shoulder. “I have to be...I have to be…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is what it seems, ladies and gentlemen. Clarke might seem like she's letting Lexa in, but is she really?


	5. Clarke?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke high af is a funny Clarke, at least to me.  
> Murphy being a protective teddy.  
> Lexa being the care taker.  
> And Anya being a little shit as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my long absence, but soccer and high school have been eating my life away. Luckily I have two or so weeks of soccer left and after that I should be able to write a normal once a week update (probably going to post on either Weds. or Thurs so watch out for them!) Another thing is that I am literally writing this story as I go. Normally I would sit down and plan a head, but this story.. XD anyways, so I'm trying to make sure everything fits in the right places and stuff. I may or may not, as I'm writing chapters, go back and change some things in previous chapters. Still need a beta though!

Lexa sat on the window ledge in her room, in a black tank top and sweatpants, looking out into her front yard. It was a bit foggy, due to all the rain that had been happening that day. School was cancelled because one two many wrecks had happened that morning already, and the weather may get worse. Though it was only a Friday, so no one was really complaining. Except Lexa. Lexa had been hoping to see Clarke again today; talk to her again. It had been just over two weeks since Clarke’s breakdown in her arms. Lexa had tried to ask her what she meant when she said, “ _I have to be..._ ” but Clarke didn’t say much more after that.

 

Lexa sighed to herself as she thought about their conversation after that, which wasn’t much of a conversation. Lexa had given Clarke her number (even though Clarke tried to refuse it) and told her that if she ever needed anything, than she could call her. After that they had parted ways, both going home. After that Clarke had started to become a bit more civil towards Lexa. Although she still didn’t talk much to Lexa, she did stop running off whenever Lexa came near her. She even said a quiet hello to Lexa every once in awhile.

 

The brunette sighed once more, a loud annoyed sigh. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and saw it was around lunch time. After Clarke’s breakdown, the two of them had started eating lunch together. Most of the time it would be under the football bleachers or by the old oak tree by the soccer field. Though a few times Lexa had found Clarke by the art hallway. They almost always ate in silence. Which was fine, at least Clarke wasn’t bolting like she used to. Sometimes Lexa would bring the blonde a bag of chips or some snack because the smaller girl wouldn't have gotten lunch that day. When Lexa had asked why she didn’t get lunch some days, Clarke would shrug and look the other way. Lexa didn’t push for an answer; Clarke would tell her when she was ready, hopefully.

 

She then leaned her head on her window. Thinking about Clarke made her head hurt slightly. She couldn’t get the girl out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. She was interrupted from her thoughts by a knock on her door.

 

“Yo dweeb, you better be decent cause I’m coming in.” Anya said before walking into her room.

 

“Couldn't even wait for a reply?” Lexa said with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Nope.” Anya said, popping the ‘p’. She then proceeded to flop down onto Lexa’s bed, putting her arms behind her head and shutting her eyes. “What are you doing? Besides pinning over blondie?”

 

“She has a name.” Lexa said, turning her body towards Anya.

 

“Fine, Clarke. And you didn't deny it.”

 

“I am not pinning.” Lexa grumbled with another roll of her eyes.

 

“Then what were you doing just now? Staring out the window thinking? Bet you’re train picked up Clarke on the way to where eversville.” Anya grinned at Lexa’s blushing face. Lexa huffed and turned back around towards the window. Lexa frowned when she did.

 

“Clarke?” She said to herself as she saw two people outside by the street; a golden haired girl and a brunette boy.

 

“Yeah, Clarke. The girl you were and are still pining over apparently.” Anya said in a ‘no duh’ tone.

 

“No, no. I mean I think that’s Clarke out there.” Lexa said, leaning closer to see out of the foggy window.

 

“Dear lord you really are hooked to this girl-” Lexa heard shuffling from her bed as Anya got up. “-so delusional that you think she’s-” Anya stopped as she too looked out the window. “Is that her?” She asked with a frown. She had only seen a picture or two from Lexa’s phone. (Though if you asked to see them Lexa would deny and deny that she had any.)

 

“I’m not sure…” Lexa replied as she watched. The blonde seemed to be on less than sturdy legs because she tried to take a step forward and stumbled. The dark headed boy pulled the blonde closer to him, hooking an arm around her. It looked like the boy was taking almost all of her weight.

 

“I’m going to go check it out.” Lexa said as she grabbed her shoes and jacket before going down the stairs and out the door. She glanced up at the sky and thanked whoever was up in the clouds that the rain had stopped for a few moments. Her head then snapped to where the blonde and brunette were as a loud giggle came from the girl. Lexa walked closer and saw that it was indeed Clarke.

 

“C’mon Clarkey, we’ve gotta get you back home.” She heard the boy grunt as Clarke leaned back, her head tilted back so she was seeing the world upside down.

 

“Why for?” She said, her voice sounding out of it. “Not really like anyone’s gonna be there when I get home.” She managed to get out of the boy’s grasp and did a small spin, her arms in the air. “So there’s no one to get mad at me again!” She giggled. The boy sighed again and shook his head. It was then that he noticed Lexa approach them. He stiffened and stepped closer to the high girl.

 

“Clarke, we have to leave now.” He muttered as Lexa got closer.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked as she got close enough. She frowned when the girl turned around then looked at the boy.

 

“Is she why we have to leave, Murphy?” Clarke asked as she swayed slightly. The boy, Murphy, sighed and internally groaned.

 

“Sometimes I don’t understand why you insisted on getting high at my place.” He muttered, though loud enough for Lexa to hear. “Yes Clarke. A stranger approached us and you’re high as fuck right now. I need to go to work and I seriously doubt you could make it home like this.”

 

“Buuut I told you.” Clarke said, giving a ridiculous pout. “I don’t wanna go home yet. Mother will be there….”

 

“I could take her home.” Lexa blurted out right before Murphy could reply to the blonde. He narrowed his eyes and gave her a once over.

 

“And why should I leave her with you?” He asked coldly. Lexa was surprised at his coldness.

 

“Because...because I’m a friend of her’s.” She told him. At least I hope I’m a friend.

 

“Oh.” He with a frown, then sighed. “Look, to be honest, leaving her here is the last thing I want to do, but I have to be at work in less than a half hour...” He said, glancing at Clarke then back at Lexa. He knew it was Lexa, from the large doses of descriptions from Clarke he was 99.9% it was Lexa. She was pretty much the only person Clarke had been talking about since school started. “Do you think I can leave her here until I get off of work?” He asked.

 

“Um….when do you get off work?” She asked, chewing her bottom lip.

 

“At like 4 in the morning.” He replied.

 

“You don’t have to come here that early.” She told him. “One, I don’t think she would appreciate being woken up at that hour.”

 

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “She’s already going to hate me for leaving her here.” Lexa raised an eyebrow at that, in which he shrugged.

 

“Right.. anyways, give me her address and I’ll drop her off in the morning.”

 

“Eh.” Murphy shrugged. “Fine by me. It’s 100 Ark Avenue.”

 

“Ok, thanks.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” He said before picking Clarke up, who was lying on the ground grinning at the sky.

 

“What is the ground went boom John?” She asked when he picked her up.

“What do you mean?” He asked her, Lexa leading the way to her house.

 

“I mean what would happen if the world was covered in bombs?” She asked then gasped. “Would we live in space John?!” John sighed as he walked up the porch steps. Lexa bit her lip from laughing. “John!! I wanna live in space! We could float around and wait till the earth heals!” She grinned and shot her arms out, luckily Murphy was in front of the couch so when he stumbled, it was into the coach. “I wonder how long it would take the earth to heal? 20? 50? 100 years? No..” Clarke continued talking, even though Murphy practically dropped her. “99 years. That’s it. It would take 99 years to heal.”

 

“99?” Lexa asked with a frown before looking at Murphy.

 

“Don’t ask me. She’s the high one at the moment.” He said with a shrug. “Alright I’ve gotta take off. Here,” He took Clarke's phone out of his pocket. “Try to have her back at her house before noon.”

 

“Okay..any reason why?” She asked curiously. Murphy seemed to freeze at her question.

 

“It’s better if you don’t ask.” He said and turned to leave, but not before a hand shot out and grabbed his. Clarke had turned on her side and pulled back her hand when he turned to look at her, putting her hand under her chin.

 

“Murph..? Are you leaving?” Clarke asked quietly. All traces of her giddiness gone.

 

“Yeah Princess. While some people like to get high, others have work.” He replied, squatting down to be eye level with her.

 

“Oh….”

 

“Hey, don’t worry Princess. I ain’t ever going to leave you.” He said, pushing a strand of hair out of her face.

 

“Promise…?” She asked.

 

“Promise.” He said and stroked her hair, watching Clarke drift off to sleep. He sighed and shook his head before standing up. He looked at Lexa before shaking his head. “I’ve got to go...just take care of her.” He said then left. Lexa watched him leave before looking back at the blonde on passed out on her couch. She frowned as she glanced back at the door, wondering what Murphy’s relationship was to Clarke. He had said that Clarke goes over to his house a lot, and Clarke had seemed sadden at the thought of him leaving. Were they together? A spike of jealousy shot through her but she shook it off. Maybe they were cousins? She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

 

“Hey Lexa, so what was going on outs-” Anya started to ask her as she walked down the stair, but paused mid step when she saw the blonde on their couch. “Well this is a bit unsurprising.”

 

“What is?” Lexa asked, generally confused. “Clarke being here?”

 

“No not that, because that is a surprise, I’m talking about how hot she is.” Anya said as she walked closer. “The way you described her I thought it was just another dumb blonde, but that-” She pointed to Clarke. “-looks like one of a kind.”

 

“Anya!” Lexa hissed out and punched her friend. Anya just grinned back.

 

“You love me.”

 

“I’m seriously debating that at the moment.” Lexa mumbled.

 

“So...what we going to do about her?” Anya asked.

 

“You’re going to help me carry her up to me room.” Lexa said as she bent down to scoop Clarke up.

 

“Oh am I now?” Anya said, crossing her arms. “Just because I said she was hot doesn’t mean I want her anywhere near me.” She said and scrunched up her nose. “She smells like fuckingweed.” Lexa grimaced as she too smelled the scent of weed on the girl. “And why couldn’t we just drop her off at her house? It’s only like 8pm.”

 

“Anya that’s not what I meant.” Lexa glared. “Just make sure my freaking door are open. And I can’t take her because Murphy, the guy with her, asked me not to drop her off till in the mourning. Before noon. Why, I don’t know.”

 

“Ah, gotcha!” And with that Anya ran up the stairs and yelled down an “All clear!” When she had the door open. Lexa maneuvered carefully up the stairs to her room and laid the passed out blonde on top of her bed. She then took off her shoes and moved the covers over the girl's body. Lexa sighed as she watched Clarke sleep. She quietly walked out of her room to the hallway with Anya.

 

“What now?” Anya asked, glancing at Lexa and the door.

  
“Now, we just wait till she wakes up I suppose.”


	6. Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke doesn't feel too good.  
> Lexa is a clutz.  
> Anya snorts and watches this love disaster lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAnd here's another update! Right on time lol. I liked this chapter tbh, Lexa is such a softy for Clarke. And clumsy. Poor Clarke, she just keeps getting one headache after another.

_"Finn Stop!"_

 

_"You're mine! And no one else's!"_

 

_"Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"_

 

_"Say it. NOW!"_

 

Clarke woke up with a gasp, shooting up in her bed. Her eyes darted around, wide in panic, taking in the purple painted walls, but they quickly closed because the light hurt them and she groaned at the pounding headache she had. She flopped back down onto the bed and groaned again. She opened her eyes for a moment to grab the purple blanket by her waist. She was about to go back to sleep when she frowned lightly. _I don't have a purple blanket...or purple walls.._ Her eyes shot open once more and she gasped lightly as she took in the room she was in, which was definitely not Murphy’s. Unlike Murphy’s creamed colored walls, these walls were a deep shade of purple. There was a wooden dresser in the corner of the room, just a few feet away from the closet. A book bag was laid on the floor next to it.

 

“Fucking hell.” Clarke muttered as she pulled herself out of the warm bed. She grabbed her head at the motion and cursed again. Her head hurt like hell and she had not idea where the fuck she was. She looked around and saw that her shoes were by the door, she went over and thought about picking them up, but decided against it when her stomach started to feel quite queasy at the motion. She reached her hand to the door handle of the room when she heard quiet voices on the other side.

 

“How do you even know she is awake?” She heard a whisper. Clarke frowned, wondering who it coiuld be.

 

“I don’t.” Clarke’s eyes widened when she heard the second voice. Of course it would be Lexa. Of fucking course. She was going to kill Murphy after all this.

 

“So you’re just going to wake up the druggie?” The first female voice said.

 

“I’m just going to check on her.” Lexa said before whispering harshly. “And she’s not a druggie!” In which Clarke rolled her eyes at, if only Lexa knew. Before Clarke could open the door to let them know she was indeed awake, the door swung open, hitting Clarke in the face in the process.

 

“OW! Fuck, fuck!” Clarke exclaimed as she fell on her ass. She held her nose in one hand and her head in the other, seeing as her headache just got ten times worse. “Fucking hell!”

 

“Clarke!” Lexa reclaimed. “I’m so sorry!” She reached forward to make sure the girl was alright. Clarke hissed between her teeth as she felt Lexa near her. This was so not how she thought her morning was going to go.

 

“Fuck.” She hissed again before rubbing her nose. “I’m fuckiing fantastic.”

 

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked worriedly, choosing to ignore Clarke’s sarcastic remark.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke said and with Lexa’s help, got off the floor. Clarke groaned and swayed slightly when she did manage to get on her feet. Her stomach felt like it was about to empty. “Ugh.. where’s your bathroom.” Clarke managed to asked.

 

“It’s just right down the ha-” Lexa didn’t even finish her sentence before Clarke rushed off. Anya moved out of her way just in time. The two girls looked at eachother before the sound of retching reached their ears.

 

“You can be incharge of this one Commander.” Anya said as she walked passed the younger brunette to the stairs. “I’ll go make some breakfast and get her some advil.” Lexa sighed and nodded before making her way towards the bathroom. Clarke was just finishing emptying her stomach when Lexa got here. She lied her head on the cool toilet seat and groaned.

 

“Fuck meee.” She was never going to drink and get high ever again (or at least that’s what she told herself at the moment.) She groaned before getting up. Lexa grabbed a cup from by the sink and filled it up, giving it to Clarke. The blonde murmured a small thanks before gurgling the water and spitting it out, getting rid of the awful taste. Once done she turned to Lexa, who was looking at her nervously.

 

“So uh….Anya is making breakfast, and she’s got some advil for you.” Lexa said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Clarke nodded a little before looking at the ground and biting her lip. She wanted to asked Lexa how she got into her house, _into her room._  “I saw you and the guy, Murphy, walking outside.” Lexa said quietly. Clarke looked up at her with a furrowed brow. “Don’t ask me why, you were pretty out of it to be honest.” Clarke’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

 

“Uh, what did I say exactly?” Clarke asked, praying to every God up there that she didn’t mention her crush on Lexa.

 

“Nothing really important.” Lexa said, holding back a grin. “You just kept on theorising when the world would end and what the human race would do.” Lexa watched as Clarke’s face turned even redder. She held back a smile at how cute the girl looked when she was flustered.

 

“Shit, I-i’m sorry.” Clarke said, biting her lip. She mentally hit herself for getting so high, especially near Lexa’s house (although she had no idea the girl lived so close). “It won’t happen again, I swear.” _You won't see me like that again...I hope._  For some reason, a part of clarke hated the idea of Lexa seeing her so fucked up. “I-i should go.” Clarke said shakily then moved to walk passed her, but a hand on her arm made her freeze.

 

“Clarke...you don’t have to.” Lexa said softly. Clarke shut her eyes, thanking the gods that her face was turned away from Lexa so the girl wouldn’t see how tears sprung to clarke’s eyes. She felt Lexa move closer, she could feel Lexa’s body heat. She shut her eyes, willing the tears to go away. She couldn’t do this, be near Lexa. Not when all she wanted to do was break down in the girl’s arm and kiss her. But she couldn’t. She couldn't allow Lexa to see her broken side, couldn't let herself be broken again. “I told you Clarke...you don’t have to be alone anymore.” She heard Lexa whisper. Clarke swallowed and opened her mouth to reply but they were interrupted by Anya.

 

“Hey, foods done!” Anya said, popping her head in the bathroom. She raised an eyebrow as she saw something. “I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?” She asked. Before Lexa could say, yes, Clarke moved away from Lexa and replied to Anya.

 

“No, you weren’t, uh...” Clarke said, looking at the older girl.

 

“Anya. Anya Woods.” Anya said, crossing her arms. “You must be Clarke.” Clarke tilted her head to the side slightly in question. “Lexa tells me about you from time to time.” Lexa’s eyes widened and her face flushed. Clarke nodded slightly and shuffled her feet. “Anyways, Commander, food’s ready. You staying for breakfast?” She asked Clarke while Lexa shot Anya a glare when she used her nickname.

 

“I uh...I should probably get home..” Clarke said, biting her lip. Lexa glanced at her when she did, resisting the urge to remove her lip from between her teeth with her thumb. She wanted to kiss that lip and pull it between her teeth. Lexa gulped slightly and tried to shake her none PG thoughts from her head.

 

“You should stay, at least for breakfast. And take some advil.” Anya said, shooting a look at Lexa. Lexa silently thanked Anya for it. At the mention of advil, Clarke felt her headache come back at full force.

 

“Yeah, I suppose you're right.” Clarke nodded. Anya nodded back and lead the girls downstairs. Clarke sat down at the table with Lexa as Anya got their plates. She kept her hands in her lap as she waited, keeping her gaze on the wooden table. She could feel Lexa’s gaze on her.

 

Lexa watched Clarke fidget at the table. She was glad the blonde decided to stay, even if it was just for breakfast. She wished she could just pull the girl in her arms and sooth the pain Clarke felt away. She had seen how Clarke was seconds from crying upstairs. She hoped that waking up in her room didn’t set them backwards. She hoped Clarke would still talk to her after this and not shut down. Anya set the plates down and they all ate in silence.

 

Until Clarke’s phone buzzed.

 

“Shit, shit ,shit.” Clarke muttered as she saw the time off of her phone, which read 11:30am. She stood up, thankfully the advil was starting to kick in so she didn’t fall over.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, her eyebrows furrowed as she watched the blonde scramble up. Anya’s expression matching her’s.

 

“I-uh, I’m sorry, but I have to go. Now.” Clarke said, her blue eyes wide as saucers as she spoke to Lexa.

 

“Why? What’s wrong Clarke?” Lexa asked as she stood up, approaching the blonde with care as it looked like she would take off like a scared gazelle. Clarke looked at Lexa before glancing at Anya, licking her bottom lip. Anya sighed and got up and started to clear the table.

 

“How far is Ark Avenue from here?” She asked them.

 

“About a 15 minute drive.” Anya replied from the kitchen, where she took their dirty dishes. Clarke nodded to herself.

 

“Okay,” She muttered to herself then dashed upstairs to grab her shoes. Once she had them she put them up quickly and dashed back downstairs. Lexa had followed her to the bottom of the stairs and waited for her to put her shoes on.

 

“Clarke?” She asked once the blonde was downstairs. “Would you like me to drive you home?” She watched Clarke chew her bottom lip, contemplating her choices. On one hand she did not want Lexa to know where she lived. One reason being where she lived was not a good neighborhood. Another reason was she didn’t know if her mother would be home by the time she arrived. Though if she didn’t leave now then she most certainly run into her mother with Lexa, and she hoped Lexa would never have to meet her mother.

 

“Okay.” Clarke said shakily. Lexa was surprised that the girl said yes. Clarke had taken so long to respond that she honestly thought Clarke was going to decline her offer. Lexa nodded and grabbed her shoes.

 

“Come on then.” She said then lead the blonde out the door to her truck. Once they were both in and buckled, Lexa started the truck and drove off. The atmosphere in the truck was none other than awkward. Clarke fiddled with her fingers as she sat in the passenger's side.

 

“Thank you..” Lexa heard the girl said softly after a few minutes of silence. She glanced over at Clarke, who was staring at her shoes, biting her lip.

 

“What for?” Lexa asked, in an equally soft voice.

 

“For taking care of me last night...and this morning. You shouldn’t have had to.” Clarke replied.

 

“Don’t worry Clarke.” Lexa said, making Clarke look up at her. The brunette gave her a soft smile. “I’m here whenever you need me.” Clarke looked out the window, biting her lip once more. _You won't keep saying that if you truly knew me._ You won’t keep saying that if you truly knew me. The rest of the ride was quiet, but it wasn’t the stiffening quiet; it was more peaceful and calm.

 

Lexa’s frown deepened the more she drove towards Clarke’s home. They had passed most of the houses and came to a trailer park. Was this where Clarke really lived?

 

“Just keep driving straight, then take a left. It’s the almost black trailer.” Clarke said quietly, not looking at Lexa. Lexa only nodded and followed her directions silently. Once there she parked the truck and both girls got out.

 

“Thanks, again.” Clarke said, crossing her arms over her chest. Lexa shrugged it off, putting her hands in her front jean pockets.

 

“Like I said, it’s not a problem Clarke.” She said with a small smile. Clarke had to stop a gasp to escape as she saw how breathtaking Lexa was with just that small smile. Blue made contact with green. They both realised how close they were to each other, and only seemed to drift closer to one another. They both leaned in slightly, and just when they were about to close the distance a voice broke through the air.

 

“Clarke.” The cold voice of Clarke’s mother rang out from behind them. Clarke immediately stiffened and backed up a step, her eyes wide before she turned around to look at Abby.

 

“Mother.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby?! Oh no!


	7. Abby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby's a bitch. 'Nough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this chapter was a bit hard to write, only because I know how Clarke feels like in this chapter (actually in many of these chapters but..) Won't specifically say which part, but you get the drift.  
> And Abby will be really out of character, somewhat I guess anyways. In this story though she never got over Jake's death. She quite being a doctor and is now a drunk/druggie. And she gets abusive, which you'll soon find out.

“Clarke.”

 

“Mother.”

 

The two Griffin women stared at each other for a few moments, giving Lexa enough time to scan the woman. Clarke’s mother stood in ripped jean shorts and a too big pale shirt on her skinny body. Her hair was a darker shade of blonde than Clarke’s, but instead of being silky and soft looking, it looked dirty and somewhat matted. The older Griffin had a cigarette hanging from her mouth and she was barefooted. She was leaning again the trailer’s door frame, a hand on her hip as she stared her daughter down. But then her eyes turned to Lexa.

 

“Who’s your...friend?” The woman asked, in an uninterested tone.

 

“This….this is Lexa. Lexa Woods.” Clarke said hesitantly. She glanced at Lexa, her blue eyes seemed to say ‘I’m sorry’ before they turned back to her mother.

 

“Lexa hmm?” The older Griffin said before walking down the handful of steps separating the floor of the trailer and the ground. She walked over until she was right in front of the two girls.

 

“Abigail Griffin.” Abby said to Lexa, looking her up and down. Lexa stiffened under Abby’s gaze, feeling like a wounded animal being cornered by a hungry predator. Is this how Clarke felt when she was near her mother? Seeing Clarke’s body posture and gaze, which was trained on the ground, Lexa got the feeling that yes, this is how Clarke felt when she was home with her mother. The woman had barely said a few sentences and already Lexa wanted to turn tail run. She wanted to take Clarke away with her.

 

“I’m surprised Clarke even brought a...friend over” Abby asked around her mouthful of cigarette. “Clarke hasn’t any, friends over since these God awful Blakes and Reyes girl.”

 

“Mom.” Clarke hissed under breathe. Her fist tightened and she clenched her teeth from speaking anymore. She knew if she spoke without permission she was going to regret it later when the two of them were alone, but she hated it when her mother spoke awfully about her best friends. Especially when they weren't’ bad kids to begin with.

 

“Don’t speak in that tone with me young lady.” Abby snapped, glaring at her daughter. Clarke nodded stiffly and looked down at the ground once more.

 

“I’m actually a bit new here.” Lexa said, her eyes moving between mother and daughter.

 

“Oh really? How new? Clarke’s never mentioned anyone new here to be before.” Abby said and puffed out a bit of smoke.

 

“Not like you’re ever here for me to tell you anything.” Clarke muttered to herself, although it wasn’t as quiet as she thought because Abby turned her head towards. Clarke silently gulped, knowing she was going to pay for that later on.

 

“I just moved here right before school started ma'am.” Lexa said politely, trying not to anger Abby any further. She inwardly frowned as she watched Clarke keep her head down. She didn’t like it. Part of her wished for Clarke to stand up for herself and to speak up against her mother. But another part of her knew Clarke could not. That part of Lexa made her want to take Clarke away. Take her away and keep her safe in her arms.

 

“Hmm..” Abby nodded at the burnette. “What do you wish to do when you grow up Lexa?”

 

“I wish to become a lawyer.” Lexa said swiftly. Which seemed to gain a nod of approval from the older woman.

 

“A lawyer? That is an excellent job. A well paying job as well. Much more than an artist would be paid.” Abby said, moving her gaze towards Clarke, who stiffened once again. Lexa could see her eyes widened a smidge as she looked anywhere but her mother. Lexa tucked the small tidbit of information about Clarke away. “Anyways, Lexa, have you met anyone interesting so far?”

 

“Interesting how ma'am?” Lexa asked. The left corner of Abby’s mouth lifted into a small eerie smile.

 

“So polite, if only some people were as polite as you.” Abby commented, clearly talking about Clarke. Lexa watched as Clarke clenched her jaw and fists, obviously wishing to speak out. She saw her blue eyes turn cold and angry as she stared daggers at her shoes. “And I meant as someone you would be romantically interested in. Any boys?” Abby said, watching her closely. Lexa knew it was a test to figure her out.

 

“Yes…” Lexa muttered before clearing her though uncomfortably. “And I have. Though at the moment we are only friends.” Lexa said. Clarke’s face flashed briefly in pain and sadness before she quickly schooled herself. Though not before Lexa saw it. “Though I hope that one day soon we will be happily together.” Lexa deliberately not using he or she. Abby’s smile tightened.

 

“Well I’m happy for you.” She said, though Lexa felt that she didn’t mean it entirely. “Why don’t you stay for dinner? I would love to get to know you more.” Lexa caught Clarke’s look of panic on her face.

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The smaller blonde rushed out. “I’m sure Lexa’s busy, and I know you will be later t-” A hard crack interrupted the blonde. Clarke’s head snapped the to side as her mother’s hand connected with her cheek. Abby took a step closer to her daughter, it was clear that she was angry beyond belief.

 

“You don’t speak for another person, only yourself.” Abby said, baring her teeth. Clarke flinched at how close her mother was to her and numbly nodded, resisting the urge to rub her stinging cheek.

 

Lexa stood to the side, eyes wide as she watched Abby hit her daughter. Lexa wanted to hit the woman back. She wanted to pull Clarke behind her and shield her away from Abby’s harsh glare.

 

“Perhaps Clarke is right.” Abby said after a few moments. “I just remembered that I do have some important business to attend to tonight.” Clarke stiffened, she knew what type of business her mother would be dealing with later on. Punishing Clarke. “I do apologize, maybe you could come over another time?” Abby asked.

 

“Of course.” Lexa replied, giving the older Griffin a tight smile. Even though it was taking all of her willpower to tell her no. For her to stay and make sure the other woman wasn’t going to harm Clarke any further. It made her blood boil when she had smacked Clarke. “I would love to come another time.” Abby gave her a smile and nodded before turning back to the trailer.

 

“I expect you inside in no less than five minutes Clarke.” Abby said, without looking at her daughter, before walking inside. Lexa watched Clarke’s mother walk inside before turning to her. Clarke still had her head down, through Lexa could see the red hand print on the blonde’s cheek.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, wanting nothing more than to reach out and bring the girl into her arms.

 

“Just go Lexa.” Clarke whispered, shutting her eyes so the tears would not fall. “Please.” Lexa bit her lip, wanting to say no so badly, but instead she nodded.

 

“Okay…” She sighed. “Call me later please.” She waited for a reply back, but she she got none she sighed and turned away towards her truck. Clarke waited until she heard Lexa drive away before taking a deep breath before walking up the steps towards her trailer.

 

“Who is she to you?” Clarke heard her mother asked once she walked in. She saw her mother sitting at the small dining table with a drink in her hand, another cigarette hanging from her mouth. Her mother was tracing the top on the glass with her forefinger.

 

“She’s no one, mother.” Clarke fought to keep her voice steady.

 

“Don’t you fucking lie to me girl.” Abby snarled, snapping her head up.

 

“I-i’m not, honest.” Clarke stuttered. “She’s just a friend, nothing more.” Abby’s eyes narrowed and she got up. She stepped closer to Clarke and it took Clarke everything in her body to not take a step back. Abby looked at her closely before grabbing a fistful of Clarke’s hair and twisting her neck so she was looking directly at Abby.

“She better stay as nothing more, Clarke.” She growled as she took the cigarette from her mouth and pushed the end of it against Clarke’s back, burning her. Clarke winced, from both her mother’s hold in her hair and before of the cigarette.

 

“S-she won’t.” Clarke said, fear in her eyes as she looked at her mother.

 

“Good. I’d for you to not have a bed to sleep in anymore if that did happen.” Abby said before letting Clarke go and turning away. Clarke collapsed onto the ground, her legs to shaky to support her anymore, tears in her eyes. Abby turned to her with an unreadable expression before throwing the glass of alcohol in her hand on the floor next to Clarke, making the girl jump as the glass shattered into a million pieces, some of the shards cutting her legs.

 

“Pick that up before going to bed.” Abby said before grabbing her shoes and coat. “I’ll be back later.” She said before leaving, slamming the door behind her. Clarke stared at the door for a few minutes, making sure her mother was truly gone before she let a few tears slide down her cheeks. She got up on stiff legs, wincing as she felt some of the glass pieces in her legs. She cleaned up her leg, thankfully they were only small shallow cuts, then she cleaned up the mess her mother left her.

 

She made her way towards her room, which was all the way in the back of the trailer. It was by far the smallest room in the trailer, and luckily it had a door on it. She shut the door once she was in and rested her forehead on it. She took in a shaky breath, shutting her eyes for a brief moment. She sighed and turned back around, facing her room once again. She started shedding her clothes. First her shoes, shocks, then her jacket. She paused before taking off her shirt, nibbling on her bottom lip before actually doing it. She paused again when she did, looking in the mirror that hung right next to the door. Her eyes saddened as she looked herself over. She was skinny, far skinnier that she should probably be. Most likely from all the meals she skips. But that wasn’t what saddened her the most. No, what made her insides churn was the scars upon scar on her pale skin. Little scars and big scars. Long and short, wide and skinny, each scar had a different size and shape. Each holding a different story. These were the reasons why she never allowed herself to wear short sleeves and shorts.

 

There were the scars from her mom, a few small scratches here and there from glass and trinkets her mother threw at her when she was aggry. Plus the cigarette burns on her skin, mostly on her back though a few on her stomach. There were the few scars from the...accident. The one that ended her father’s life, and almost took her’s as well. They were mostly on her upper torso; metal shards of the car had tore through her chest. She was lucky to have not bled to death. Her mother still blamed her for her father’s death; she couldn’t blame her mother for that one, because she blamed herself for his death.

 

She shook her head to get the thoughts out of her head before shedding her pants next. She now stood in only her underwear in front of her mirror, wincing as she took in all her scars. If anyone saw her torso they would be horrified by the amount of scars she had. Though only reason people wouldn’t give the same expression for her legs was because she had reconstructive surgery on them. She was glad that she had gone through it, otherwise she would still have had the word “MINE” carved into her skin. She shuddered at the thought of her old scar.

 

She shut her eyes, keeping the tears that wanted to fall at bay for the moment as she finished getting ready for bed. She dressed in a large grey shirt, it used to be her father’s, and shorts. She climbed into bed and finally let the tears fall as she hugged her pillow. It was only a few minutes of her crying before she heard her phone buzz. She frowned and went to pick it up before climbing back into bed. It was a message from Lexa.

 

_Lexa: Hey...I didn't really know if you were going to call or not, but I hope everything went well with your mother. I wish I could've stayed. I wanted to say good night and I'm here if you need anything Clarke._

 

Clarke stared at her phone for a few moments, debating on wether or not she was going to call the burnette. She sighed and slammed her hand on the bed. God dammit! Clarke sighed. The girl just kept getting closer and closer. No matter what Clarke did to deter her away, Lexa kept coming back. She tried snapping, ignoring, yelling, even asking, anything to keep the girl from getting closer to Clarke. It made her want to scream. No one’s ever tried so hard to stay with Clarke…..and even though Clarke knew Lexa shouldn't be anywhere near her...she was enjoying it. For once, she was getting the attention she needed from someone. She wasn’t getting bullied or yelled at by her. She wasn’t getting pushed or shoved. And that scared her. She was scared to let Lexa in, let her care for her. Because every time she let someone in they stabbed her in the back somehow, even if it was unintentionally.

 

Her father died, her mother turned cold towards her, Bellamy and Octavia leaving town, Raven following their footsteps, Finn….

 

She slammed her eyes shut, trying not to remember Finn. Finn who cared for her. Finn who loved her. Finn who was her dream.

 

But everyone knows a dream can easily turn into a nightmare.

 

She turned onto side and put her phone down, shutting her eyes and letting tears flow down her cheeks again. Lexa's words ringing in her head; _I'm here if you need anyting_.

 

_I'm sorry Lexa, but I can't let you in yet._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will let you know that Clarke is close to letting Lexa in, so don't give up Lexa!!


	8. Flashbacks and Panic attacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a Clarke chapter. A shit ton of flashbacks though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and panic attacks are not fun :( I've had them before and they suck. This chapter has much angst, and it gets brutal near the middle/end.

Clarke sighed as she drank her mug off coffee as she sat in her trailer. Her mother wasn't home, go figure. Clarke didn't know nor care where she was. It had been a few days since the (unintentional) meeting between her mother and Lexa. Clarke was thankful things had quieted down a bit since then. Her mother was still pissed at her, but that was normal. Her and Lexa had seen each other at school; even though Clarke had been a bit more quieter, things weren’t to awkward between the two of them. All in all, the week was starting out alright for Clarke. She took in the moment of bliss with a small smile, because she knew that everything could turn at a moment’s notice.

 

(And take a turn things did.)

 

She turned on the radio, hoping to find a station to jam too before she had to leave for school soon. Imagine Dragons were playing so she stopped it and brought the mug to her lips, taking a sip as she twirled around in her small shorts a tank top. Getting lost in her happy moment. But her happy moment broke when the song suddenly cut off and another voice cut in.

 

_"Just in, breaking news: There was a prison break in the city of Polis. Criminals Alec Morez, Jessica Clarice, and Finn Collins were found to be missing after the power went out in the compound there were in yesterday afternoon. Police were in hot pursuit of the three criminals earlier today but have not managed to capture them. If anyone has any information of these three people, please contact the police immediately."_

 

 

The sound of Clarke’s mug hitting and shattering on the ground was deafening. Clarke gasped, holding a hand over her mouth, not paying a lick of attention to her now shattered cup and spilled liquid on the floor.

 

“No, no, no, no!” Clarke tried to fight the tears, but they ran down her cheeks. She stumbled backwards as she tried to breathe, bumping into the wall. She slid down the wall, sobbing. She slammed her eyes shut as she felt the memories start, and she couldn’t fight them. Not this time. She would just have to endure them this time...

 

_Clarke and Finn meet at the beginning of 8th grade, at the tender ages of 14 and 16. They meet just like any other cute couple did in the movies; bump into each other and picked each other's things up. They talked and became the best of friends, and soon after that he had asked her out; which she had obiviously said yes to._

 

_Finn has been one of those cheesy romantics. buy the girl some flowers, take her on a date to the movies, give her a goodnight kiss at the door. He was so caring and loving with her. For 6 months everything was perfect. At least everything seemed perfect for them._

 

_Clarke didn't see Finn's possessive side until their 8th grade year ended, at the beginning of summer. Clarke had gone out with her childhood ebst friend Wells Jaha, who was visiting for a short amount of tie during the summer. They hadn't seen each to her since 5th grade. Clarke had gotten home just a bit later than usual, which she though was just fine because her parents were not going to be home till later anyways. Bother her mother and father took the late shifts at their jobs since it was the weekend, so getting home late was not a big deal. At least for Clarke._

 

_"Where the fuck have you been?" Clarke jumped as she heard Finn's voice just a few feet behind her._

 

_"Finn?" Clarke asked as she shut the door. "Jesus you scared me. What are you doin-"_

 

_"Answer me." Finn growled out as he stepped closer. "Where did you go?"_

 

_"I was out with Wells..." Clarke jumped again when Finn's hand slammed against the door, resting next to her head._

 

_"And you didn't mention this to me because?" Finn asked, getting in her face. "Were you cheating on me?"_

 

_"What?! No, jeez, no!" Clarke said,  hocked that he would even think that._

 

_"Then why the hell didn't you tell me that's where you were going to be?!"_

 

_"Because I didn't think it was that important, me spending time with my best who I haven't seen in years!" Clarke snapped back. "I don't need to tell you my every wear abouts."_

 

_"That's where you're wrong." He bared his teeth. "From not on you will tell me exactly where you're going to be at all times. Am I clear?"_

 

_"I don't have to-" She was cut off by a slap received from the boy in front of her._

 

_"I said, Am I clear?" He asked again. Clarke nodded slowly, numbly, a hand holding her stinging cheek._

 

_"Good. Now I'm sorry." Finn said softly, his whole demeanor changing in a split second. So fast Clarke swore she got whiplash. "I didn't mean to hit you. I just can't bare the thought of us apart." He said and brought her in his arms. "You know I love you."_

 

_"I-I love you too..." Clarke nodded against his shoulder as he hugged her. She would forgive him. After all, he was just afraid of them breaking up. She could understand it._

 

_"Good." He smiled and kissed her uninjured cheek._

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke panted as she raked her hands through her hair, pulling on her blonde strands. Tears fell like tidal waves as she gasped for breath. She couldn’t stop the memories from hitting her. Even though it was the good memories that hit her first. They always did, but then the bad ones would take their place. She tried to control her breathing, but then the next wave of memories hit her and she couldn’t stop them.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

_The next time he put his hands on her it was after the accident. After her father had died. After she had almost lost her life as well. They had gone out on a date to the county fair, Finn wanting to cheer his girlfriend up after she spent two months in the hospital and at home recovering. They had a blast, at least Finn did. Clarke was a bit distant, she had been ever since he first hit her (and became even more distant after he father passed." Finn didn't seem to notice though and he hadn't put his hands on her again since. Clarke thought it was all behind them .So when they got to her house, it had choked her tremendously when he had suddenly shoved her up against her front door._

 

_"F-finn?" Clarke asked, her voice shaking, eyes wide in shock. "W-what's wrong?"_

 

_"Don't play fucking stupid with me Clarke." Finn said aggressively._

 

_"I don't know what you are t-talking about."Clarke said, because she truly did not know what went wrong with their date. Only that they had gone out on a date._

 

_"I saw you looking at her. That girl by he caramel apple booth." Clarke's eyes widened when she realized what he was talking about. There had been a girl, who in Clarke's eyes was deemed hot, and Clarke had stared at her for a moment to long. She had though she had gotten away with her staring, but apparently she was wrong. "I saw the way you bit you lip; watching her." Finn growled out, making Clarke shake in fear._

 

_"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" She started to apologize but was quickly cut off by him slamming her harder against the door._

 

_"Don't give me any goddamn excuses. You're mine, do you understand?" He asked. She nodded, afraid to argue with him. "Say it!"_

 

_"I-I'm yours." She whispered, looking down._

 

_"Good girl, you're learning." He said and 'rewarded' her with a bruising kiss. "But next time this happens I won't let you off the hook that easy." He warned her. She just nodded again._

______________________________________________________________________________

 

That was when everything got worse, Clarke remembered. She brought her knees to her chest as she shook. She slammed her eyes shut, praying to whatever God was out there for it to stop. She let out a choked sob as the next memory hit her.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

_They had been intimate only a handful of times. The first time he took her was before he hit her. She remembered how gentle he was. How he had worshiped her body, like she was a Goddess. It all changed after he hit her. No longer was their time spent lovingly. Instead he took her to bed and ravaged her like she was his property, and to him she was. He would get rough with her; to the point of hand shaped bruises left all over her body. And her got himself off by looking at his marked territory. He would always finished quickly and would then move off of her, laying down on his side of the bed and falling asleep. She didn't mind. She didn't mind that she hadn't gotten off because it meant that he would leave her alone for a little while. It meant that he wouldn't bruise her already battered body. She would then silently cry herself to sleep._

 

_They were only intimate when he felt like it and never another time. The first time she told no he punched her, leaving a bruised cheek and swollen eyes. He had apologized for it later, but has also told her she deserved it for denying him. In which she had just swallowed and nodded, to afraid to fight. Each time they were intimate he would get rougher. Until just about every inch of her was black and blue. Her mother saw the bruises, but couldn't give a damn. She just scoffed and called her daughter a shit-eating whore. (She blamed her for her husbands's death.) (Clarke blamed herself.)_

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke remembered the day she wanted to leave. Wanted everything to be over. Wanted her freedom, away from Finn. She made the choice of telling Finn...and it ended up being the worst mistake of her life.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

_"I'm done." She said to him when he stepping into her room._

 

_"What are you talking about?" Finn demanded, anger evident on his face._

 

_"I mean I- we, us. It's over." Clarke said, trying to put on a brave face. Finn stepped closer and Clarke instinctively stepped back._

 

_"No. You aren't going anywhere. "He told her; like he owned her._

 

_"I'm done Finn!" Clarke yelled, receiving a slap for it. Her eyes stung with tears as Finn stepped closer, her resolve started to crumble._

 

_"You really think anyone is going to have you? Love you like I do? After everything you've done? Finn snarled, slamming her into the wall. "You're a murderer Clarke."_

 

_"N-no..." Clarke shook her head, eyes snapping shut._

 

_"Yes. You are. Do you think anyone else will love a murderer? Look at yourself, so beaten up. No one likes a used body." Finn breathed into her ear. Clarke tried to bloc out his voice, tried to take in deep breathes to calm herself, but it was no use. She knew he was right. Who would love a murderer like herself? Who would love someone as broken as her? No one would._

 

_"I'm the only one who would ever think twice about someone like you." He said, lowering his voice. His hands started moving up and down her body. Clakre shook her head once again, mentally willing him to let her go; swallowing the bile in the back of her throat. It made him angrier. "You're mine Clarke._

 

_"I-I don't want to be..."She choked out only to be hit again. He flung her on the floor and kicked her in the gut. She gasped for breath as be kicked her again and again; over and over before picking her up and flinging her onto the bed. He shredded her clothes, forcing her down when she struggled; although weakly. H then used his belt to tie her hands to the head board then unbuttoned his jeans and freed himself._

 

_"Finn! Stop, please!" She begged him as he thrusted into her without preparing her for it; his hips slamming hard against hers. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as he gripped her hair in one hand, pulling her head back and exposing her neck, nails digging into her scalp._

 

_"You're mine Clarke!" He growled and bit down into her neck hard, drawing blood._

 

_"I'm yours! I'm yours!" She cried out, pain overflowing her senses. She stopped fighting, only hoping he would stop if she complied. "I'm sorry!"_

 

_"that's right bitch." He said as he used her body. Once he was done he pulled out and zipped his pants. Clarke lied on the bed trembling, tears still rolling down her cheeks; eyes shut. It wasn't until she felt searing pain in her leg that she opened them with a scream. Finn held down her leg, a pocket knife in his hand. The knife had blood on it; her blood. He had cut into her right thigh._

 

_"Finn!" She screamed again when the knife duf into her flesh once more. She tried fighting him off, but she was still too weak from the beating he had given her._

 

_"This will teach you." He said with a dark grin, cutting her more. "You and everyone else will know that you. Are. MINE!" He said, cutting her with every word._

 

_Blood flowed from her leg onto the sheets once he was finished. He stood up and grinned down at her as his eyes raked over her body. The bloody word "MINE" was carved down her thigh. Clarke laid there whimpering, weak from the blood loss and pain. The last thing she saw before blacking out was his grinning, bloody face._

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke gasped as the last memory hit her and passed. She pulled her hair once again before shakily getting to her feet. She stumbled to her room, knocking over objects in her way, before collapsing onto the floor by her bed. She couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop gasping for breath. For once she didn’t want to be alone. She wished her mother was here, or at least her old mother. The mother who used to hold her when she had nightmares. Not the mother who burned her for answering a question wrong. She shook her head again; wanting, no needing someone. So she called the one person she could think of.

 

“Hello?”

 

“L-lexa…?”

 

 


	9. Lost Feeling Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke opens up a little bit more for Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter is late!! But I had the PSAT this week and let me tell ya, that thing kicked my ass. Seriously, I don't like that thing lol. Anyone else had to take that or taking it soon? Good luck to you! 
> 
> Hopefully ya'll will like this chapter. Sweet Lexa is adorable tbh.

“Clarke?” Lexa frowned when she answered the phone, only to hear heavy breathing and sobbing.

 

“ _L-Lexa..._ ” She heard the blonde from the other side.

 

“Clarke? Clarke are you okay?” Lexa asked worriedly. She had been grabbing her things for school when the girl had called her.

 

“ _I don't....I..I can't..._ ”  Clarke gasped out, trying to take in a breathe.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Lexa said softly. “I’m coming over. Are you still at your home?”

 

“ _Y-yeah..._ ”

 

“Okay, I’ll be there in 5.” Lexa said before hearing the call end. She shoved her shoes on and grabbed her bag before running down the stairs passed Anya, who was going up the stairs to take a quick shower.

 

“Woah where’s the fire Commander? You’re never this excited to go to school.” Anya asked, slightly teasing but a hint of worry in her voice.

 

“I’m going to Clarke’s” Lexa said as she made her way to the door.

 

“Woah, hang on just a flipping minute.” Anya said and grabbed Lexa’s arm. “Why the fuck are you going over?”

 

“She needs me Anya.” Lexa said with a small glare. “She sounded...I don’t know, distressed on the phone.” _Distressed was an understatement,_  Lexa thought, biting her lip. Clarke had sounded broken. She’d never heard the blonde like this before, Lexa was seriously worried about the girl.

 

“She’s a fucking druggie Lexa. You don’t need that in your life.” Anya spat.

 

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Lexa snapped, eyes blazing. “She’s going through some pretty tough shit right now.”

 

“Really? Care to enlighten me on what this shit is?” Anya asked, crossing her arms. Lexa rolled her eyes.

 

“I’m wasting time.” She said before turning away from her best friend.

 

“So what? You’re going to go to her when she sheds a tear once? When every other time you’ve talked to her she doesn’t want anything to do with you? Are you seriously going to try and care for her when she doesn’t give a fuck about it? All for what?  A simple crush you have on her?” Anya said, her voice raising the more she spoke.

 

“.....Yes.” Lexa said softly, keeping her gaze on the ground.

 

“Oh….” Anya said, her whole demeanor changing. “Okay.” She uncrossed her arms, letting them fall to her sides. The tension left her shoulders. “I just...I don’t want you to get hurt again…” She said softly. “Not like…”

 

“Costia…?” Lexa asked quietly. Anya nodded. “I won’t...or at least I hope I won’t” Lexa said, taking in a deep breathe. “But I have to try, Anya. She’s letting me in...even if it’s a little at a time..”

 

“I know…” Anya said and wrapped her arms around the younger brunette. “I’m proud of you.”

 

“Thanks.” Lexa gave her a brief smile.

 

“No go, your girl needs you.”

 

“She’s not my girl.” Lexa said, giving Anya a mock glare.

 

“Not yet anyways.” Anya grinned as Lexa flipped her off before walking out the door.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa didn’t know what to expect when she arrived at Clarke’s home. What she didn’t expect was the mess she found when she opened the door to the trailer. Her eyes scanned the small kitchen; broken glass and spilled coffee on the floor, a bit of blood was smeared on the floor and wall. That made Lexa worry even more.

 

“Clarke??” Lexa called out as she moved further into the trailer. She opened her mouth to call her name again when she heard small sobs. She stilled and listened carefully, determining where the sound was coming from. She frowned as she walked towards the back portion of the trailer, finding a door slightly open. “Clarke…?” She asked as she pushed it open. She glanced around the room before her eyes found Clarke. Who was curled up by the bed, arms wrapped around her knees as her body shook from the sobs escaping her. A strap from the tank top had fallen off her shoulder and Lexa could see a few small cuts on her hand and arm.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa rushed over to the blonde and pulled her into her arms. Clarke didn’t even fight her, which made her worry more. Clarke always tried to fight back.

 

“L-l-lex.-” Clarke tried to speak, but she couldn’t get in a breathe.

 

“Hey, hey, I’m here.” Lexa said softly and pulled Clarke into her lap on the floor. She started to rock them gently. “Shh, breathe Clarke. Follow my breathing.” Lexa started taking large, deep breaths and after a few moments she could feel Clarke doing the same; her sobs died down after another few moments. “It’s okay Clarke, everything is going to be okay.” Lexa said as she rubbed the girl’s back, but unfortunately that set Clarke off again.

 

“N-no it’s not! It won’t ever be fine.” Clarke sobbed. “Not again.” She buried her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, tightening her arms around the scared girl. Clarke only shook her head lightly.

 

Silence engulfed them for a long while. Lexa rubbed her hand up and down Clarke’s back until finally the blonde calmed down enough. Clarke pulled back from Lexa, wiping her cheeks. Lexa put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and finally got a good look at her. Her eyes widened as she saw multiple scars up and down the blonde’s arms. Her eyes traced the scars, seeing some on her collarbone, disappearing under the tank top. Clarke noticed what Lexa was looking at and she stiffened before looking away, ashamed of her body. She felt two fingers under her chin, pulling gently until blue eyes locked onto green ones. Lexa looked at her for a moment before pulling the girl back into her arms. Clarke stiffened once again, before relaxing slightly into her embrace.

 

“....Car accident..” Clarke whispered, so softly that Lexa almost didn’t hear her.

 

“What?” Lexa asked gently, rubbing her back more. Her hand faltered for a split moment as she felt even more scars on her back.

 

“The scars- most of them, a-are from a car accident..” Clarke told her. “My d-dad and I, were in an accident...he died, a drunk driver hit us....that’s why my mom hates me so much..” Her voice softened at the end. “I don’t blame her though...it was my fault it happened…”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa said, sternly yet softly, pulling that girl back slightly to look at her face. “Tat accident, was not your fault. Sometimes things happen.”

 

“B-but it was!” Clarke said, shutting her eyes. “If he had not have had to...to come pick me up that night, he would still be alive.” She managed to gasp out. “If I hadn’t had gone to that...art exhibit, he would still be alive.”

 

“Clarke.” Clarke felt Lexa’s hands on either side of her face. “Clarke, look at me.” Clarke kept her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. “Please..” She finally opened her eyes and looked at her. Lexa had to hold in a gasp; the blonde was so beautiful yet so broken. She hated seeing her like this. “That accident was not your fault.” Clarke opened her mouth to argue but Lexa hushed her. “Were you the other driver?”

 

“No…”

 

“You did not cause the accident, the drunk bastard did.” Lexa said, wiping the girl’s tears; wishing she could take the pain away. Clarke nodded once before Lexa drew her back into her arms, settling her into her lap. Clarke rested her head on the brunette's chest, listening to her heart beat. Lexa ran her hand through blonde locks. She dreamed of holding Clarke like this and was cherishing the moment; although, she wished it was for better reasons.

 

“I’m scared Lex….” Clarke whispered. Lexa was silent, hoping Clarke would elaborate. It was quiet in the small room for a long time, Lexa thought Clarke wasn’t going to speak anymore until she heard her soft voice again.

 

“There...was this boy...F-finn..” Clarke started, taking a deep breath to collect herself before speaking again. “We dated...for a long time. At first, it was good. Great even. He was kind, so kind. But then...I don’t know what happened but…he hurt me. A lot. I thought I loved him...I thought he loved me.” Clarke said shakily, breathing heavily. Lexa’s grip on her tightened, wondering how someone could hurt this beautiful girl. “I took whatever he gave me, because I loved him...I tried to leave one day. H-he obviously didn’t like that..he-he..”

 

“Shhh.” Lexa whispered. “You don’t have to say it, whatever it is.”

 

“okay..” Clarke took in a shaky breathe. Lexa stayed quiet, waiting for Clarke to continue. “After he was...done with me. He cut me up, left me to bleed on the floor. It was m-my friend, Raven, who found me. She tried to get help, but Finn wouldn’t let her….” Clarke shut her eyes, remembering how Raven had screamed for help when Finn got ahold of her. how Raven screamed in pain when Finn had hurt her. “He stabbed her in the back...and left both of us to die…” Clarke finished, burying her head in Lexa’s neck.

 

Lexa trembled slightly in rage. If she ever saw this boy again she would probably kill him. Clarke felt her tremble, and thinking she had upset the older girl she pulled back.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset-” Clarke rushed out, only to be cut off by Lexa.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you.” Lexa said softly. _Quite the opposite actually._  Clarke nodded and laid her head back on her chest.

 

“When they finally found us, they found out that the knife had nicked her spine slightly. Now, she can’t feel anything below her left leg..”

 

“I’m so sorry Clarke.” Lexa said, kissing the top of her head. She felt the girl shrug. “Where is he now..? Finn?”

 

“He’s in jail...well...he-he was in jail…” Clarke said, tightening her grip on Lexa as she remembered what started her panic attack that morning.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He..he escaped. Last night, I guess..” Clarke told her. “I’m scared Lexa...Finn...what if he- what if he comes back?” She asked, looking up at the brunette's face. She saw a dark look cross Lexa’s face.

 

“I won’t let him touch you Clarke.” Lexa said and pulled her closer. Clarke nodded, scared for not only her but Lexa’s safety as well .She knew how cruel Finn could be, and could only pray Lexa never saw him.

 

“...thank you.” Clarke whispered, making Lexa smile softly.

 

“I’m always here for you Clarke. No matter what.” She said, kissing her forehead. Clarke’s stomach flipped when she did that. No one had shown her affection like this in a long time. Lexa looked at the clock on the wall and sighed; they were late to school.

 

“Do you want to go to school today?” Lexa asked. Clarke shook her head in reply.

 

“Not really to be honest…”

 

“Okay.” Lexa said before getting up, picking up Clarke in the process. Clarke’s eyes widened as she was picked up and she looked up at Lexa.

 

“Stronger than you look.” Lexa grinned and winked at her before placing Clarke gently on the bed. She frowned when she saw the blood on the girl’s hands and arm.

 

“What happened?” She asked gently, grabbing a nearby towel to wipe it off.

 

“I dropped my mug earlier...and fell on it.” Lexa nodded, that explained the coffee on the floor. She made a mental note to clean that up later. After she finished cleaning Clarke up she put the towel on the floor and made Clarke lie down. She sat on the edge of the bed, watching the blonde settle. She felt a bit awkward. She didn’t know if she should leave Clarke, though she didn’t want to, or if she should stay with her. As if sensing her thoughts, she felt a hand touch hers.

 

“Lexa…?” Clarke said quietly.

 

“Yeah?” She asked back, just as softly.

 

“Will you...will you stay with me?” Lexa smiled at the blonde’s shyness.

 

“Of course.” Clarke scooted over for Lexa to lie down. Once settled, Lexa opened her arms for Clarke to curl into. Which she did. Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s chest once more. They tangled their legs together. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, making her feel safe.

 

“Is this okay?” Lexa asked. Clarke hummed.

  
“Yeah...thank you.” Clarke said, drifting off, feeling for the first time in a long time something other than pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will still be a slow burn thing. Clarke is only just now letting the 'good feelings' come back, after repressing them for so long.


	10. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is starting to let Lexa into her heart; little by little. Though Lexa still doesn't have it all the way just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this a day early because I can lol. But also I had a Night School (sorta like detention but not as bad lol) and I had nothing to do for 3 hours, so I was like, eh why not? lol

_Clarke walked down into the back alleys by the trailer park. She hummed to herself as she walked, coming back from school. She couldn't remember the school day in all honesty. It was just one big blue, but it was over and she wanted to get home to pick it up before her mother came home tonight. Well. if she came home that is. Where did her mother go nowadays? Clarke didn't know nor care. She was about five minutes away when she suddenly slammed in the alley wall. She gasped as pain flared up her side._

 

_"Hey there Princess." She heard a sickly sweet voice behind her. She froze, knowing the voice._

 

_"F-finn..." Clarke stuttered as she turned and saw him, fearing shooting up her spine. He fave her a dark grin, twirling something in his right hand. Her eyes widened as she saw a dagger in it._

 

_"Missed me Princess?" He asked and stepped closer to her._

 

_"S-stay back." Clarke said, taking a step back onto to hump into the wall._

 

_"What's wrong Princess?" Finn asked, feigning sweetness. "Didn't you miss me? Didn't you miss your man?" He asked, pressing up against her. "I know I missed you."_

 

_"Kiss me." He ordered. She shook her head, willing for the tears to be kept back. All of a sudden the wind was knocked out of her and she was on the ground. Finn had punched her guy, then kicked her head. She cried out when she felt him punch her again._

 

_"When are you going to learn, Clarke?" He growled, all fake sweetness gone. "You do as I say-" A punch to her back. "-whenever I say-" A kick to the side. "-do I make myself clear?" She cried out as he kicked her, feeling a rib crack. She coughed and spat out blood; blood and snot dripping down her face and nose. He grabbed her hair and yanked her head up. "I said, do I-" All of a sudden he was thrown back._

 

_"Get the fuck off of her." A voice growled. Clarke looked up to see Lexa standing over her. Finn growled, his face of pure rage before tackling her. She watched them exchange punches, but Finn was stronger than her. He pinned her down and repeatedly punched her, until she just laid there._

 

_"Lexa!"Clarke cried, watching her friend lay on the ground. Lexa tried to get up but Finn kicked her hands out from under her, making her fall face first into the ground again. "Finn!" Please stop!" Clarke sobbed._

 

_"This is what happened when you go against me Clarke." Finn said, picking up his fallen dagger and walked back over to Lexa._

 

_"I'm sorry! Please, I won't do it again!" She begged him. Finn grinned at her before turning and plunging the knife into Lexa._

 

_"LEXA!!"_

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke woke with a gasp, shooting up. She looked around the room, her room, frantically for a few moments. She sighed in relief when she saw she was safe. She closed her eyes for a moment, calming her breathing before she remembered that she wasn’t alone. Or at least she wasn’t supposed to be alone. She glanced around the room and saw that a certain brunette was no longer with her.

 

“Lexa?” She called out, but not getting a reply straight away. Her eyes filled with tears. Lexa had left while she was asleep; probably because Clarke was just a burden on Lexa’s shoulders. A tear escaped and silently fell down her cheek as she thought about it.

 

“Clarke?” Clarke’s head snapped up as Lexa walked into the room. Lexa’s eyes widened as she saw the tears in the girl’s eyes. “Clarke? What’s wrong?” She asked worriedly.

 

“I...I thought you left…” Clarke said, a sob of relief at seeing Lexa threatened to escape her. Lexa immediately walked over to the bed and embraced the blonde before pulling her into her lap. Clarke shook in her arms, crying silently.

 

“Shh, shh. I’m right here Clarke. “Lexa soothed her, kissing her head. “I wouldn’t leave you.” She heard Clarke sniffle before the blonde pulled back slightly to look up at her.

 

“Where did you go..?” She asked softly. Lexa moved her hand to cradle her face and wiped her tears with her thumb.

 

“I went and cleaned up the broken glass and spilled coffee.” She replied.

 

“Oh….” Clarke murmured and looked down, her cheeks going red slightly. “I could have cleaned that up...it was my mess…”

 

“It’s fine. I was just a small mess. Besides, you were tired.” Lexa said in a comforting tone. She really didn’t mind cleaning up after the blonde, especially when Clarke was going through a rough time. Clarke laid her head on her shoulder and said a small ‘thank you’ to the burnette. Lexa laid them both down again, pulling the cover over them. Clarke snuggled up to Lexa. She could still feel how tired she was, but was afraid to close her eyes. What if Lexa wasn’t there when she woke again? As if sensing her internal debate, she felt Lexa kiss her hair before murmuring.

 

“Go back to sleep. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.” Clarke gave a small nod before closing her eyes. Clarke trusted Lexa. She had kept her promises so far.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

The bang of a door opening and slamming shut startled the two teenagers awake. Lexa sat up first, keeping herself in front of Clarke as she felt the blonde sit up behind her. She was about to get up and check who it was when they heard-

 

“Clarke?” They both froze as they heard Abby’s voice before Clarke scrambled out of the bed.

 

“Shit, shit, shit, shti.” She mumbled as she went to the door. She looked back at Lexa and saw her looking at her with concerned green eyes. “Stay here, please.” Clarke whispered before opening the door and walking out. She left the door slightly ajar.

 

“Mom…?” Clarke said as she walked towards the kitchen area. Abby turned around, a flask in her hand. _Great..She's been drinking again. Surprising._  Clarke internally sighed.

 

“What are you doing here?” Abby asked, taking a drink from the flask.

 

“I live here.” Clarke replied.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Abby growled, taking a step closer. “I meant why the fuck aren’t you in school.” Clarke stiffened, looking at the clock on the wall. She mentally cursed herself as she saw it was only just after 1pm.

 

“I was...I was sick.” She lied. “I wasn’t feeling too well this morning.” Right after she finished her sentence, Abby’s hand flew up and smacked her cheek.

 

“Don’t lie to me.” Abby said. “Now tell me the truth.”

 

“I-I just..didn’t feel like going..” Clarke stuttered out, watching her mom carefully as she took another drink. She didn’t know what mood her mother was in, and really all she wanted to do was go back into Lexa’s arms. She frowned at that, since when did she want to do that?

 

“And this is why you will never do anything with your life.” Abby said as she stumbled towards the fridge. “Always skipping school, fucking up in school. Wanting to be a fucking artist.” She scoffed. Clarke gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. “Jake would be so disappointed in you.”

 

“Dad would be fucking proud of me.” Clarke said before she could think about it. Her head snapped up and she looked at her mother. Abby turned around and glared at her for a moment before taking a cigarette out of a drawer and lighting it. Clarke was starting to sweat as she watched her mother, who was moving slowly. She knew she crossed a line with her mother and was afraid of what she was going to do next.

 

“You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today.” Abby said, crossing her arms. Clarke swallowed before looking at her. Abby looked back with a blank expression. “You are to clean up in here top to bottom.” Clarke frowned, glancing around. There wasn’t really any mess-

 

Two plates slammed onto the floor, shattering them to pieces. A bowl of some left overs was thrown onto the wall by Abby. Then she poured the rest of the flask onto the floor and table. Clarke gaped at her mother as she messed up what little space they had. She was brought out of her thoughts when she felt heat on her wrist. Abby had put the end of her cigarette on her wrist and dug it into her.

 

“Clean this fucking place up before I get back.” Abby growled before walking back out the door, slamming it on her way out. Clarke gritted her teeth and shook her head before she started to clean the alcohol on the table and floor. Not a minute after she started to clean did she see Lexa walked out her room. She looked at Clarke, then the room before wordlessly getting to work with the blonde. They worked in silence. No words were needed at the moment for them. Clarke was thankful for it. Once they were finished Lexa hugged Clarke. The girl stiffened for a moment before relaxing and hugged her back softly.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered.

 

“For what?” Clarke asked, pulling back slightly. She feared Lexa was going to leave after having seen her mother again. Lexa saw the fear in the younger girl’s eyes and was quick to reassure her.

 

“For your mom. She shouldn’t be like that with you.” Lexa shook her head. She wanted to hit the woman so much.

 

“It’s okay...I deal with it.” Clarke shrugged slightly, her hands fiddling with Lexa’s shirt. Lexa frowned when she saw her wrist. She grabbed it, gently, and examined it.

 

“Did...did she do this?” Lexa asked, worry in her voice. Clarke took her hand back and took away. “Clarke, she can’t keep doing this to you.” Lexa said softly, hooking a finger under the blonde’s cin and turning her head back over to look at her. “How many times has she done this?” She asked, referring to the burn. Clarke bit her lip and looked down before turning slightly and lifting the back of her shirt, half way up her back. Lexa gasped as she saw several over bud burns.

 

“Clarke…” Lexa said, not sure on what to say. She watched the blonde turn and shrug.

 

“Like I said...I’m dealing with it.” Clarke said, glad her voice came out stronger than she thought it would. “You can’t tell anyone...please Lexa…” Clarke said when she saw Lexa about to protest. “If they take her away from me…” She shut her eyes and shook her head before opening them again. “I’ve already lost one parent...I can’t loose another.” Her voice shook at the end.

 

“I understand…” Lexa said and wrapped her arms around her. “I promise..I won’t say anything.” _Even though I really want to. I don't like it when she puts her hands on you._  When she had heard the conversation between mother and daughter, then heard Abby slap Clarke (again) it took all of Lexa’s self restraint not to walk out and do something.

 

“Thank you.” Clarke said, taking a deep breathe in the crook of her neck. Lexa had to repress a shudder when she felt the hot breath of the girl in her arms.

 

“Come on, we can go watch movies on my phone for a bit if you want.” Lexa said to her. Clarke’s eyes brightened a bit.

 

“Yeah..I’d like that.” She said with a small smile. Lexa smiled back and lead her back to her room. They both settled into Clarke’s bed and chose to watch ‘Tangled’ on Lexa’s phone. They were half way through the movie when the phone dropped out of Lexa’s hands onto her stomach. Clarke looked over at the brunette to see her fast asleep. It made Clarke smiled a bit. She reached up to push away some hair that had fallen over the girl’s face. After she did, Lexa stirred slightly. But she only turned towards Clarke to wrap an arm around her and pull her closer to her.

 

Clarke watched her sleep for a bit. She watched how young and beautiful Lexa looked. Clarke couldn’t help but smile a bit. She snuggled closer to the brunette and closed her eyes.

  
_Today didn't turn out to bad..._  She thought as she drifted to sleep.


	11. Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke black outs for a few moments and things get bloody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to keep hitting you guys with feelings.

Lexa walked down the hallway of the school, on her way to her first class. She glanced down at her phone for what seemed like the millionth time that morning. No new messages. She sighed, again. She was hoping Clarke would have texted her by now. She had texted the blonde earlier that morning telling her to text her when she got to school. It had been a few days after Clarke’s whole breakdown,they had been texting and talking more, and they had started to meet up before school started so they could walk to class together. So far; nothing. Lexa walked into the classroom and took her normal seat and waited for the blonde to arrive.

 

The minutes passed and soon it was just a handle of minutes left before the bell would ring. Clarke still hadn’t arrived. Lexa bit her lip, looking at her phone again. Lexa wanted to text her, to ask where she was, but if it was her mother holding her up then she didn’t want to get the girl in trouble. Lexa shook her head and typed out a message.

 

_Lexa: Hey...where are you??_

 

Her thumb hoved over the send button, debating on whether to send it or not, when a flash of blonde caught her attention. Clarke rushed into the room and took her seat right as the bell rang. Lexa put her phone away and watched Clarke for a moment.

 

“Everything alright?” She asked.

 

“Yeah, sorry...I just had a bit of trouble this morning..” Clarke replied with a shrug, not looking at Lexa directly. Lexa frowned for a moment, glancing over Clarke for injuries. She wanted to question Clarke further, but the teacher started the lecture. She sighed and turned to face forward, hopefully she’ll be able to talk to her later.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke was putting in her combination into her locker when they arrived. They meaning Cage and his lackeys; Tsing and Emerson.

 

“Hey Clarkey.” Cage sneered in greeting. Clarke tensed up but ignored them. It wasn’t until her locker was slammed shut, almost taking her hand off as well, that she acknowledged them.

 

“Hey!” Clarke snapped and turned towards her bullies, eyes blazing.

 

“Finally got your attention?” Cage grinned.

 

“What do you want?” Clarke asked through gritted teeth.

 

“Oh nothing really,” Cage said, leaning against the locker next to her. “just wanting to know how Lexa is in bed.”

 

“Wh-what?!” Clarke sputtered.

 

“Oh come on Princess.” Emerson said with a roll of his eyes. “Everyone knows how much of a sex addict you are.”

 

“Yeah,” Tsing piped in. “You have her hooked around your finger, or should I say fingers.”

 

“I..I didn’t..Lexa and I have never…” Clarke said, face red, partially from embarrassment and partially from anger.

 

“No need to lie Princess.” Cage whispered, making Clarke tense as she realized how close to her he actually was. “Your secret it safe with us...and the rest of the school.” He laughed.

 

That’s it! Clarke thought before everything went black.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“ _Clarke._ ”

 

“ _Clarke!_ ”

 

For a few moments it seemed like the world shut off for Clarke. She couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, couldn’t speak. couldn’t feel. Only for a few minutes was everything quiet. Too quiet. Her vision came back first. She could see the blonde on the floor, on her hands. Then her feeling; she could feel the ache in her hands and face. She felt strong arms wrap around her; could feel herself getting lifted off of the floor.

 

“ _CLARKE!_ ”

 

Her hearing came back, slower than the rest. She couldn’t register the voice or the arms wrapped so tightly around her; her back pressed to the person’s chest. Fear crept in her for a split second she she struggled even harder against her captor.

 

“ _Clarke, stop!_ ”

 

The voice was familiar. It sounded sad, desperate...scared perhaps?

 

“ _Clarke, please! It's me, Lexa!_ ”

 

Lexa…..

 

Clarke stopped, tensing up so much the brunette thought she would crack in her arms.

 

“L-lexa..?” The blonde croaked, her eyes staring wide eyes at the scene in front of her. Blood splattered all over her locker and floor. Emerson was unconscious on the ground, blood seeping from a cut on his forehead. Cage sat up against another ocker, holding his broken nose as blood gushed down his face. His eyes wide as he stared at her. Tsing was nowhere to be found. Clarke glanced down at herself. She saw blood splats on her shirt and her hands were covered in blood. Her hands also hurt like hell.

 

“I...I…” Clarke didn’t know what to say, she took in gasps of air.

 

“Breathe Clarke, I’ve got you.” Lexa said and scooped the blonde up into her arms. Clarke didn’t complain; couldn’t complain. She was trying to control her breathing, the world around her a blur as Lexa walked. She shut her eyes, only to open them a moment later (five minutes) when she felt herself being lowered into a car. Lexa had carried her out for the school and to the parking lot then her car. Once she got Clarke situated she went to close the door but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm. She looked down and saw wide, pleading, blue eyes staring up at her. She gave her a soft smile.

 

“I’m just going to the other side, I’m not leaving. I promise.” It took a moment, but Clarke let her hand go with a small nod. Lexa bent down and kissed her head before closing the door and going to the driver’s side. Once in she started the car and drove off.

 

To say the drive was awkward would be an understatement. At least for Clarke. The silence was okay at first; but when Clarke finally managed to calm herself down, the silence seemed deafening. Clarke fidgeted in her seat a few times.

 

“Where...are we going?” She asked in a small, timid voice.

 

“My place.” Lexa responded immediately, though not looking at the blonde. Clarke looked at Lexa, noticing her clenched jaw and tense form, even though the brunette tried to seem calm. Clarke bit her lip and looked out the window.

 

‘ _This is all my fault._ ’ Clarke thought. ‘ _It only I hadn't gone to Murphy's this morning....If only I had been more in control...Lexa won't even look at me. I've disgusted her. I've fucked up. Fucking hell I fucked up big time and I don't know how to fix it_.’ Clarke clenched her fists tightly as she thought this, and if the brunette sitting next next to her noticed (which she did) she didn’t say a word.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“Where’s Anya?” Clarke asked once they were inside Lexa’s home.

 

“She had work today.” Lexa said as she took off her boots, then watched Clarke take off her shoes as well. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Lexa said before leading the blonde to the bathroom downstairs. “Just sit on the sink, I’ll be back in a moment.” Lexa murmured to her before walking towards the kitchen. Clarke watched her go before turning towards the bathroom sink. She gasped lightly when she saw herself in the mirror. She had a few cuts on her left cheek and a good sized bruise on her right cheek. Another bruise was placed just below her left eye socket and her lip was split. No wonder her face was hurting.

 

“Clarke.” Clarke jumped when she heard Lexa, who was back with a first aid kit in her hand. Clarke ran her tongue over her slit lip before sitting on the toilet. Lexa brought a rag over and started to wash the blood off her face and hands. Clarke kept her eyes on the ground, not daring to look at the girl in front of her. She flinched every now and then as Lexa cleaned her. Lexa frowned when Clarke kept looking anywhere but her. The girl was also extremely jumping. Why wouldn’t Clarke look at her.

 

“Clarke…” Lexa said.

 

“mhhm.” Clarke replied, still not looking at her.

 

“Why won’t you look at me?” Lexa asked softly. Clarke shift a bit and looked at Lexa, only she kept her eyes downwards so she was looking at Lexa’s shirt.

 

“I am looking at you Lexa..”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa huffed, a bit impatient. “You know what I mean. Why won’t you look me in the eye?” Clarke shrugged slightly in reply, to afraid to speak the truth. Lexa put both hands on her cheeks, careful with the cuts and bruises, and turned Clarke’s head towards her. It took only a few more moments before Clarke’s eyes landed on hers. Clarke’s pupils were blown slightly, and the blue in her eyes were a darker shade. Lexa growled slightly as she realized why they were, making Clarke flinch again.

 

“Clarke. Tell me you didn’t.” Lexa said, watching Clarke’s expression. Clarke looked at the ground, silent. “Clarke. Please, did you take drugs this morning?”

 

“...Why ask a question you already know the answer to Lex…” Clarke said quietly, biting her lip. Lexa pursed her lips and shook her head.

 

“Why?” She asked. Clarke looked up and furrowed her eyebrows.

 

“what…”

 

“Why Clarke? Why did you do it?” Lexa asked again, more forcibly.

 

“I..I don’t know.” Clarke replied, her voice wavering.

 

“That’s not an answer, Clarke.” Lexa told her, crossing her arms.

 

“I don’t know.” Clarke said, with more strength in her voice.

 

“I’ll say this again, that is not an answer.” Clarke gritted her teeth.

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”Clarke said darkly.

 

“I want you to tell the truth.” Lexa said calmly.

 

“Truth? The truth? What the fuck is the truth?” Clarke snarled, glaring up at the burnette.

 

“I don’t know, it’s why I’m asking you.” Lexa stated.

 

“The fuck do you want me to say Lexa!?” Clarke burst. “That I did it because I’m a fucking drug addict! That I did it because I needed it!”

 

“And why do you need it?”

 

“B-because!”

 

“Because what?”

 

“Because I can’t fucking deal with shit anymore!” Clarke shouted, tears in her eyes. “I can’t fucking deal with my mom, drinking day in and day out. Sleeping with random men to pass the time. I can’t deal with the pity looks I get from teachers because they knew who my father was. I can’t stand the disgusted looks I get from people as I pass them in the hallways. I can’t stand the constant bullying and comments I get thrown at every goddamn day! I’m so fucking sick and tired of having to deal with all this shit in my fucking life just to fucking survive another goddamn day!” She didn’t know when she started crying, only that by the end of her rant she had snot and tears running down her face. “I need it because… because it helps me through every day...it helps me escape reality..even j-just for a short amount of time…” She sobbed.

 

Lexa stepped as close as she could, letting the blonde rest her head on her stomach as she cried. She ran her hands through the girl’s hair.

 

“I can’t do it any more Lex…” She heard Clarke sniffle.

 

“Can’t or won’t?” Lexa asked softly, but getting no reply. “You’re strong Clarke. So much stronger than most people. You can pull through this, all of it.”

 

“I don’t know how to though.” Clarke mumbled, shaking her head slightly.

 

“Then we’ll figure it out. Together.” Lexa murmured.

 

“....Together?” Clarke asked softly.

 

“Together. I promise.” Clarke nodded into Lexa’s stomach and gripped the brunette tighter. She thought about Lexa’s promise and mentally shook her head. She knew it was a promise Lexa would try her hardest to keep, but she knew it would break eventually.


	12. Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst. So much angst.
> 
> Sorry.

Clarke laid bed looking up at her ceiling. She sighed then blew a chunk of hair away from her face. It had been about a week since her black out fight with her bullies. The day after the fight, she and Lexa didn’t go to school. Lexa had insisted on staying with Clarke when Clarke had told her she wasn’t going. At first Clarke had been reluctant, she didn’t want to get Lexa in trouble like she knew she was going to be. Lexa had just shrugged and said she didn’t mind.

When the two of them finally got to school the day after, Clarke was immediately called down to the principal’s office. Lexa offered to go with her and help explain but Clarke refused. After a good 15 minute argument Lexa finally gave up, but made clarke promise to text the details.

Once she got there, Principal Jaha immediately tore into her about school behavior.

_“I have given you chance after chance, Miss Griffin.” He had told her. “I know you are going through a rough time with your family, but that is no excuse for your behavior. You miss school, skip classes, and now fighting?”_

__

_“I’m sorry…” Clarke sighed._

__

_“I’m sorry is not going to fix a boy’s broken nose and another’s broken hand.” Jaha stated, crossing his arms. Clarke blinked in surprise. She knew she had hurt them, but broken one of their hands? She was brought out of her thoughts by Jaha again. “You’re lucky they aren’t pressing charges.”_

__

_“I’m lucky?” Clarke asked, anger sparking. “They should be lucky I haven’t pressed charges!”_

__

_“What are you talking about?” He asked with a frown._

__

_“It’s nothing.” Clarke muttered, looking down. She regretted saying anything._

__

_“Clarke...listen, if they were doing anything to harm you why did you not come to one of us?” He asked gently._

__

_“Right, like anyone wants to help me.” Clarke scoffed. She want help from them. She didn’t need help from them._

__

_“Clarke, I can’t help you if you can’t tell me the issue.” Jaha sighed. Clarke stayed silent. “Fine. I wish I could help, but it seems I will not be able to. Your punishment for fighting is two week’s suspension.”_

__

_“What about the other’s?” Clarke asked._

__

_“They will be getting three days of in school suspension.” He replied._

__

_“What?” Clarke straightened up in her seat. “That’s not fair! They are the ones who started it!”_

__

_‘I’m afraid not Clarke.” He sighed again. “The video shows them approach you and them talking to you. Though it is obvious they are making you uncomfortable in the video, not a single one of them made the first move. You punched Cage first.” Jaha said._

__

_“Oh..” Clarke slumped in her seat. “Okay.”_

__

_“Go home. Get rest, you may come back in two weeks..” He said, dismissing her._

Clarke was brought out of her thoughts by her phone ringing . She frowned then looked at the time; it was almost 3:30pm. She grabbed her phone and saw that it was Lexa calling.

“Hey.” Clarke said, answering the phone.

“Hey, class just ended.” Lexa said, the sound of the kids and cars in the background could be heard. Lexa must be walking towards her car.

“Cool, how was it?” Clarke asked, sitting up and stretching before getting up and walking towards the kitchen area.

“Boring as usual.” Lexa said with a sigh. “..I miss sitting next to you.”

“I think you’d be the only one.” Clarke said with a small smile, her heart fluttered at Lexa’s confession.

“I would like to think there are others that would miss you.” Lexa said softly, getting into her car. Clarke didn’t reply so Lexa continued. “Hey, I uh, actually called to tell you something.”

“Oh, what is it?” Clarke asked, worried a bit.

“I can’t come over for a bit.” Lexa said sadly. “Some things have come up at work and I need to stay an extra hour or two. I’m sorry.”

“Oh..it’s okay.” Clarke said, trying to mask her disappointment. Honestly she had been looking forward to spending some time with the brunette. She had gotten so used to her presence.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked. “I could always tell them I’m sick or something.”

“No, no don’t.” Clarke said. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m normally alone on most days. what’s another?”

“I guess…” Lexa sighed. “I’ll call you later alright?”

“Alright. Bye Lex.” Clarke replied, she waited until she heard a quiet bye from the brunette before hanging up. She sighed and sat in a chair, hand holding her head up. Now she needed to find something to do.

______________________________________________________________________________

Clarke hummed as she was finishing up her drawing. After a good hour of surfing the web she decided to draw. At first she didn’t have a clue on what to draw, but then she had thought of Lexa and inspiration struck. She drew Lexa. She drew her leaning up against a wall, with a relaxed stance. Picture Lexa was staring off into the distance, a small smile gracing her face. Her eyes looked like she was seeing something far away. Clarke was just finishing up the drawing when a voice startled her.

“Not more than a friend, eh?” Abby said by clarke’s bedroom doorway.

“M-mom.” Clarke stuttered, standing up and putting the drawing pad down. “S-she is. I swear, she’s not-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Abby snarled, taking a step forward, stumbling slightly. “I’m done with your lies. I’m done with your behavior.” Clarke stepped back until the back of her legs hit her bed.

“Mom, I-” Clarke started, but again was cut off.

“I said shut up!” Abby yelled, slapping Clarke. She turned around and stumbled out of the room for a moment. Clarke stood still, tears in her eyes. Abby returned a moment later, liquor bottle in her hand. She took a gulp of it before speaking again. “Jaha called.” She said calmly. “Wanted to see how you were doing.” clarke started breathing heavily. She had not told her mom about the fight. Her mom had been thinking she was going to school this whole time. “Imagine my fucking surprise when he told me why you weren’t at fucking school.”

“M-mom, I’m sorry-” Clarke was silenced by the liquor bottle slamming into the wall behind her; Abby had thrown it at her.

“You think I’m fucking stupid?” Abby growled, stepping closer. “You think you can outsmart me?” Abby slapped her again. “Well you can’t. Too fucking stupid to even attend school.” She hit her again, making Clarke cry out.

“Mom, please, i’m sor-” She was cut off to her mother throwing her on to the bed and hitting her again.

“No, you’re not sorry. Not yet.” Abby said, swaying on her feet. “But you will be. Oh, you’ll be sorry.” She took a few steps back. Clarke scooted back until her back it the wall behind her bed and watched her mother wearily, tears running down her stinging cheeks.

“I want you out.” Abby stated.

“W-what…?” Clarke stuttered, unsure she heard her right.

“You fucing heard me.” She growled. “You’ve lied to me for the last time. If you can’t even attend school you shouldn’t be allowed the privilege of a fucking roof over your ungrateful ass.”

“B-but, mom…” Clarke tried weakly, more tears escaping.

“I want you gone by tomorrow morning. I want this house spotless before you leave, otherwise I’ll fucking hunt down your sorry ass.” She threatened.

“But...where will I go?” Clarke asked.

“Not my fucking problem.” Abby said before turning and leaving, door slamming behind her. Clarke fell onto her bed and sobbed into her pillow. she couldn't believe it. Her mother kicked her out. The one family member she had left, kicked her out like an animal. She heard the door open again, followed by silence.

“Mom…?” Clarke asked after a moment, wondering if her mother was back to beat her some more. “Lexa?” She asked out next. Perhaps Lexa had called in sick? It was silent for another moment. Fear started creeping up Clarke’s body as she slowly sat up and out of her bed. She was about to start walking to the door when a body suddenly blocked it. “No….”Clarke breathed out, stumbling backwards on her bed.

“Hey Princess.” Finn grinned, looking down at her.

“F-finn….wh-what are y-you doing here?” Clarke asked, her voice shaking in fear. Finn grinned and stepped into the room fully and shut the door, locking it after.

“What’s wrong princess?” Finn asked as he stepped closer. “Didn’t you miss me?” He asked. “I missed you.”

“G-get out,.” Clarke said, trying to be strong. Her phone started ringing. “B-before I call the cops.”

“I don’t think so Clarke.” He said before lunging at her. Clarke managed to dodge and ran to the door, grabbing her phone. Right before she answered the phone she was yanked back by her hair. She cried out at her head hit the floor with a loud bang, her phone flying out of her hand and skidded to a stop by Finn’s feet. “Not so fast.” Finn growled. “Looks like you won’t need this anymore.” He stomped on her phone, smashing it. Clarke tried to crawl away but Finn kicked her side.

“Finn!” She gasped out in pain. He leaned down and punched the side of her head. “S-stop. Please!” She cried out.

“The thing is I can’t Princess.” He said, pausing his movements to calmy caress her face. “You put me in jail, Clarke. The one person to love you. How could you do that?” He asked, looking hurt. Clarke whimpered, both in pain and fear. “Mmm. This is how I like you Clarke.” H said, gazing over her body. “Down on the floor, begging.”

Clarke let out a sob, tears dripping on the floor. She shut her eyes as she felt his hands start wondering. She shook her head, willing happy thoughts into her head. Thoughts of Lexa suddenly popped in her head. She whimpered again. What would Lexa think if she saw Clarke right now? Would she turn her head, pretend she didn’t see anything like everyone else? She shook her head again, knowing Lexa wouldn’t turn her back on her. A sudden burst of energy sparked inside her at the thought of Lexa. She pulled her elbow back and hit Finn upside the head. It stunned him for a moment; making him fall back. She stood up as fast as she could and turned to the door once more. She took a step but fell again when Finn grabbed her foot. She cried out as she hit the floor again.

“Just have to make this harder than it should be.” Finn growled as he dragged her a foot or two back. Clarke tried kicking him but he just grabbed her and threw her on the bed. She moved to hit him but he grabbed her arm and snapped her wrist. She screamed in pain and clutched her broken wrist to her chest, scooting as far backwards as she could.

Finn stepped back, watching her like a predator with it’s prey. He gave her a dark grin as he heard her broken sobs.

“What do you want Princess?” He asked her suddenly, taking a step closer.

“I...just want this over…” Clarke said, sniffling. She watched him step closer to her; she cried even harder when she realized she was trapped. She was trapped and scared.

  
“This is far from over, Princess.” Finn said as he closed the distance between them.


	13. Save Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one week!! Ya'll lucky I love you all lol I though about posting this on Wendesday like I would normally do, but I decided not to be cruel and let you guys find out what happens next. Plus I wanted to know what you guys think about this chapter.
> 
> WARNING: There will be triggers here, like in a lot of my other chapters, of blood, rape, fights, etc. I'm making a note of this now because I have already gotten a complaint about how I write to much angst? (I'm not talking about the 99% of you commentors that comment about the angst but still love it lol)
> 
> Most of the violence and things will be between the _-_-_'s. So once you get to the first, if you wish then skip down to the next _-_-_ and you'll be set. :) 
> 
> I will have to say this. In my tags I have tagged anst, lots of angst, rape, gore, violence, etc. in there so I ask if you really don't like that, please don't read. As much as I love it when people read my stories, if you do not like these things then again, don't read. I apologize that this is a long note but I just had to get this out. Just reading tat commented made me start to feel self conscious of my story. I am a very self conscious writer, I try my best.
> 
> Thank you to all who are supporting me
> 
> Enjoy :)

Lexa sighed as she shut the door to her house. She was tired and cranky and all she wanted to do was go lie down forever.

 

“Hey Lex.” Anya greeted from the living room, watching tv, as Lexa walked in.

 

“Hey.” Lexa replied, collapsing onto the couch beside her.

 

“Long day?” The older girl asked with a smirk.

 

“You have no idea.” Lexa groaned, sinking further into the couch.

 

“It’ll get better.” Anya said, turning her attention back to the tv. “Trust me.”

 

“Mhmm, trust you.” Lexa muttered.

 

“Hey, when have I ever lead you astray?” Anya asked. Lexa gave her a pointed look. “Okay, okay, besides that one time in Mr. Greg’s yard. Not my fault we didn’t know he had dogs.” She muttered, knowing exactly what Lexa was referring to.

 

“Anya, there was a sign that said ‘No Trespassing.’ We almost got eaten alive!” Lexa said with a huff.

 

“What? It was a short cut home.” Anya defended. “We did get home faster.”

 

“Only because we ran like our lives were depending on it.” Lexa pointed out.

 

“Alright, alright. I get the point.” Anya chuckled. Lexa couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“So how are you and blondie doing?” Anya asked, changing the subject.

 

“You ask that like we are a couple.” Lexa said, giving her a side glare.

 

“So you guys are almost a couple.” Anya shrugged. Lexa rolled her eyes.

 

“As friends we are good. She’s been opening up to me more and more.” Lexa admitted.

 

“That’s good.” Anya nodded, changing the channel on the tv.

 

“Yeah….I should probably call her. I told her I work after work.” Lexa said, getting her phone out. Anya hummed in response. Lexa unlocked her phone and dialed Clarke’s number. It rang and rang, but went straight to voicemail. Odd. Lexa frowned and dialed again; only this time it went straight to voicemail. By the fourth time of her trying, worry crept up Lexa.

 

“What?” Anya asked, noticing Lexa’s expression.

 

“She’s not answering my calls. After the first time, each call has been going straight to voicemail.” Lexa replied, biting her lip. “Something’s wrong.” She stood up and went to grab her jacket. All thoughts of sleep far from her mind.

 

“Should I come with?” Anya asked, sitting up.

 

“No, no. It’s fine. I’ll go check on her real fast. It might be that I’m just overreacting.” Lexa prayed that she just was.

 

“Hopefully.” Anya agreed. Lexa had told her a few of the things Clarke was going through and silently hoped the girl was alright, for Lexa’s sake. “Call me if you need anything.”

 

“I will. Bye.” Lexa said and strode out the door, getting into her car and driving to Clarke’s.

 

When Lexa pulled up she noticed a black car sitting near Clarke’s trailer. Lexa frowned. She’s been to Clarke’s so many times so she knew it didn’t belong to Abby. She got out her car and walked towards the trailer’s door.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_        _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

“Clarke?” She called after knocking. It was strangely quiet outside. Lexa began to worry more. After a few more minutes of waiting she let herself in. “Clarke?” She tried again, pausing to listen. She froze when she heard quiet, muffled sobbing, and muffled grunts, coming from the direction of Clarke’s room. Lexa made her way over and went to knock on the door when she heard another voice, a man’s voice.

 

“ _You like that, don’t you Princess_?” Followed by a loud slap, and another muffled cry.

 

“Clarke?!” Lexa shouted, trying to open the door, but failing as it was locked.

 

“ _The fuck-_ ” Lexa heard him, Finn, growl out. “ _Princess is fucking busy, come back later_.”

 

“Open this fucking door you shithead!” Lexa growled back, slamming on the door, trying to open it.

 

“ _Fuck Princess. Why do your friends always have to ruin our fun?_ ” Finn grumbled. Lexa’s eyes widened as she realized who he was talking about. “ _I’ll just have to deal with this one that same way I dealt with the last.Then we can continue._ ” Lexa slammed into the door harder. She heard it crack slightly. she heard a pained grunt coming from inside the room, then a muffled yell, before slamming into the door one last time. The door gave way and she burst into the room. The sight in front of her made her sick.

 

Clarke was lying on her back on her bed. Her hands were tied above her head to her bedframe. A gag was tied over her mouth, which explained the muffled cries. Her shirt was ripped, hanging off her torso, and her pants were down to her ankles; along with her underwear. There were cuts and bruises, some the size and shape of hands, all over her body. Blood covered her and her bed. Her face was stained in tears as she looked at Lexa. Lexa’s breath caught as she looked over the blonde, then over to the man standing next to the bed. The boy, Finn, has moppy brown hair, ripped jeans and no shirt. He looked at her with a scowl.

 

“Get the fuck away from her.” Lexa growled, taking a step into the room.

 

“Or what bitch?” Finn asked with a sly smirk. Clarke whimpered and silently cried harder. Lexa glanced at the blonde again and her heart broke even more.

 

“I’m going to tear you to fucking shreds for what you’ve done to her.” Lexa spat out, anger coursing through her veins.

 

“You know what,” Finn started, “I think that’s what your last friend said. Didn’t she Clarke? Right before I tore her fucking back open.”

 

Lexa snapped. She ran the few steps between them and tackled Finn to the floor, knocking some things from the dresser next to them on the floor with them. Lexa aimed a punch at Finn, hitting her mark in the head. Finn grunted and managed to roll them over for a moment, getting a punch at her as well, before Lexa rolled them back. After another moment of trying to pin each other down they separated. They backed up from each other, as much as the small room would allow them to at least. Lexa brought her fist up, getting to a fighting stance. Anya had trained her how to street fight and she was going to bring these skills in now.

 

Finn growled at her and took out his pocket knife, flicking it open. Lexa narrowed her eyes at him as he sneered before lunging at her. She dodged and slammed her elbow into his back. He stumbled for a second before turning and slashing the knife at her. Lexa grunted as the knife nicked her arm. She kicked his stomach and he fell back with a loud grunt, losing the knife in process.

 

“I’ll admit,” Finn said, out of breathe from the kick. “You’re much more fun than that Reyes girl. Maybe after I’m done with Clarke I’ll work on you.”

 

“That will never fucking happen.” Lexa growled before aiming a fake punch to the right. Her trick worked. He went to dodge, and Lexa swiftly punched him with her left. He growled as blood dripping down his face. He tackled her to the floor and rained punches down on her. She blocked the first few, but started losing after. He grabbed the knife that had fallen and lifted it up to stab her. She grabbed his wrist right before he could.

 

“Well-” He grunted, straining to make the knife hit his target. “-this has been fun and all-” Lexa was using all her strength to make sure that knife did not cut her, but she was losing strength. “-but I would really just like to get back to my prize.” That’s it. Lexa glanced around and saw a picture frame lying next to them. She grabbed it and smashed it over his head. He cried out and Lexa pushed him back. She pinned him down and punched him over and over. Until he was beyond unconscious. She stood up, breathing heavily, blood and sweat dripping down her body. Her head snapped up as she heard a small sob.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa breathed and was at the blonde’s side in an instant. The girl’s eyes were squeezed shut, tears slowly fell down her face. Lexa removed the gag, muffled sobs turn into full on sobs. “Clarke, Clarke look at me.” Lexa said softly. Clarke shook her head lightly. She couldn’t, didn’t want to open her eyes. She was afraid she wouldn’t see Lexa, instead she would see Finn. She was afraid that if she opened her eyes the torture would begin again. She was afraid that if she opened her eyes, her nightmares would be reality and Lexa would be here, but dead on the carpet of her bedroom.

 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_                         _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

 

“Clarke please…” Lexa tried again, her eyes getting watery. Finally, she saw red rimmed blue eyes blink up at her.

 

“L..lexa..?” Clarke croaked, before she started sobbing hard.

 

“Shh, I’m here.” Lexa’s voice cracked and she began to work on untying her. Once she untied the blonde’s arms, shaking in anger at the red and bloody wrists, she pulled the smaller girl into her lap. She slowly rocked the injured girl, being mindful of her injuries. She hugged her and and comforted her. After a long while Clarke’s sobs quieted down to small hiccups.

 

“I’m going to get you dressed, alright?” Lexa asked afterwards. Clarke only nodded in response. Lexa carefully placed her on the bed and went over to a draw, stepping over Finn’s body. She grabbed some sweats and a loose shirt. She walked back over to Clarke and kneeled infront of her. “Clarke?” Lexa said softly. Clarke was staring down at the ground, her eyes lost. Lexa sighed and carefully helped the girl dress. At some point Clarke had started crying again, silent tears made their way down her cheeks.

 

Lexa picked her up off the bed, Clarke tensing as she did, and carried her out of the room. She put her down on the couch by the tv and grabbed a blanket for her. After placing it on her, Lexa sang her a soft song until Clarke managed to fall asleep. The brunette watched her for a few moments before getting up and going into the kitchen. There she let the tears, that had threatened to fall since she arrived, to spill down her cheeks.

 

“Fuck.” She growled, punching the table she was leaning on. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” She gritted her teeth, more tears spilling.

 

She cried because her stomach was in knots at the sight of Clarke bloody and bruised.

 

She cried because she could have gotten here too late. Clarke could have died.

 

She cried because she was close to losing her life.

 

But most of all, she cried because she couldn’t keep her promise. She had promised Clarke she’d protect her and she didn’t do that. She cried because she knew whatever progress the two of them had worked up to was now lost.

  
She cried because the girl she came to care so much about, may never recover from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? 
> 
> Tbh this scene right here was the whole reason why I started writing this story. At first I was going to just write a one-shot about Clarke's abusive relationship with Finn then Lexa coming to save her. But then it progressed to this story. 
> 
> I'm sorry if the fight scene was crappy, I had no idea how to write that tbh XD
> 
> Still much more to come!


	14. You did good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy and Lexa bond <3  
> Anya's bae. Love her tones :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long. With Thanksgiving I was super busy. Then I had a lot of famiy drama...still dealing with that and will probaly be dealing with that for a long while. But I will still be updating regualrly from now on.
> 
> Not a whole lot of Clarke in this chapter, but more in the next.
> 
> Enjoy :)

The only sound in the white room was the beeping sounds of the machines hooked up to the girl lying on the bed. Lexa sat in a chair next to the bed, hunched over, her elbows on her knees and her hands holding up her head. She watched the blonde sleep, wishing she would wake up. Ever since Lexa had taken Clarke to the hospital she had unconscious, and that was almost four days ago. Lexa sighed and ran her hands through her loose hair, remembering bitterly what had happened to bring the girl in front of her to the hospital.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

_“Fuck, pickup. Pick up.” Lexa muttered into her phone._

_“Lex?” Anya answered after the third ring._

_“Anya, I need you to get over here now.” Lexa rushed out._

_“What? Why?” Anya asked worriedly. “What happened?”_

_“Clarke’s ex boyfriend.” Lexa stated, running a bloody hand through her hand._

_“Shit.” Anya cursed, Lexa had told her only a little bit about Finn, but enough to let her know that he was trouble. “Did you call the cops?”_

_“Well..uh.”_

_“Jesus fucking christ. Call the damn cops, Lex. I’ll be there in a few.” Anya told her before hanging up. Lexa sighed and dialed 911. After speaking to them she tucked her phone back into her pocket and made her way back to Clarke’s bedroom, grabbing a kitchen knife just in case. She stepped into the room and saw Finn still knocked out. She sighed in relief and started rummaging through Clarke’s things, looking for something to tie the boy up. She managed to mind some thin rope near Clarke’s bed, most likely from Finn, and tied the boy to the blonde’s bed._

_“Asshole.” She muttered once she was done before walking out the room. A persistent knock sounded at the door and Lexa opened it, relived to see Anya. Anya sighed in relief and hugged the brunette._

_“How hurt are you?” Anya asked as she glanced over her. There was some blood on her hands and face, from where Finn had punched her, but over all she only hurt a little bit._

_“I’m fine, it’s Clarke I’m worried about.” Lexa reported._

_“Where is she?” The taller girl asked, stepping around Lexa._

_“On the couch.” Lexa lead her to the blonde. Anya knelt down by the girl’s head and ran her eyes over her, her face gaining more rage seeing the various cuts, bruises, and blood all over the girl._

_“That fuckface.” Anya growled as she stood up, fists clenched. She didn’t know Clarke personally, but no one should have to go through this._

_“He’s tied up.” Lexa said, her eyes glued on Clarke. “I’m waiting for the police.”_

_“Take her to the hospital.” Anya said._

_“What?” Lexa asked with a small frown. “I can’t leave him-”_

_“Don’t worry,” Anya said. “I’ll watch him. Trust me, he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.” She said cracking her knuckles._

_“Anya.” Lexa said in a warning tone. Although the boy did deserve to get beaten to death, she didn’t want Anya to go to jail as well._

_“I’m kidding. Mostly.” Anya said with a grin, but lost it a moment later. “Seriously though, she needs medical attention and who knows how long the police will show.”_

_“Alright, thank you.” Lexa said, pulling her into a hug._

_“No thanks needed.” Anya replied. Lexa bent down and picked up Clarke’s limp body, and with Anya opening the doors for her, Lexa was well on her way to the hospital by the time the cops showed up._

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“Hey.” Lexa looked up as Anya walked into the room carrying a small white bag and a cup of coffee.

 

“Hey.” Lexa said, sitting up a bit straighter. Anya came over and sat in the chair next to her. She had spent almost as much time in the room as Lexa had.

 

“Still no news?” Anya asked after she gave the younger girl the food and coffee.

 

“Well…” Lexa said after taking a sip. “No bad news yet. They said she’s recovering, slowly, but they still don’t know why she won’t wake up.”

 

“She’ll wake up in her own time.” Anya said, bumping Lexa’s shoulder with hers softly.

 

“I know...I just...I’m worried..” Lexa sighed, looking at the ground.

 

“I know kid.” Anya sighed.

 

“I should have been there Anya...I should have known.” Lexa shook her head, biting her lip. “

 

“You had no idea, Lex. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

 

“I just…” She took a deep breath. “I promised her...I promised her that I wouldn’t let him harm her.. and I broke it…”

 

“You did your best…” Anya said, wrapping an arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “You can’t beat yourself up for it. You were called into work, but then you immediately went over when she wouldn’t pick up the phone. Any other person would have just figured she had gone to bed. I know I tease you about how much you worry for this girl, but I’m glad you do. She needs someone like you in her life.”

 

“...Thank you.” Lexa replied quietly.

 

“Anytime.” Anya kissed the top of her head and rubbed her hand up and down the brunette's arm. They sat in comfortable silence until Anya got up.

 

“Listen kiddo, I have to get back to work. I’ll be back tonight to check up on you too.” Anya told her, stretching a bit.

 

“Alright, bye Anya.”

 

“Bye Commander.” Anya said as she walked out the door, smirking as she saw Lexa roll her eyes at her.

 

Lexa sat back into the seat, leaning back on it and closed her eyes. She was on the verge of sleep when her phone started ringing. She frowned and answered it.

 

“Did you leave something here, Anya?” Lexa asked, assuming it was the older girl.

 

“Yeah uh, unless I had a major sex change and had blonde hair and killer looks, I don’t think I’m Anya.” A gruff voice replied.

 

“Murphy?” Lexa asked, recognizing the voice. “How did you get my number?”

 

“I have my ways.” He replied before chuckling. “That sounded creepy. I actually snatched it from Clarke in case I ever needed to contact her and she wasn’t responding. Which is actually why I’m calling. She usually meets me every Saturday unless something comes up, in which she usually tells me. But I haven’t been able to get a hold of her for two days.”

 

“What does she usually meet you for?” Lexa asked, part of her already knowing the answer.

 

“You and I both know that you already know why Lexa.” Murphy responded. “Sometimes we hang out as well. That’s besides the point. Do you know where she is?”

 

“Why are you so worried about her?” The brunette asked, making sure her tone came out as curious rather than rude.

 

“I don’t know if you haven’t noticed Lexa, but that girl has nothing left.” Murphy grunted out.

 

“I know.” Lexa bit back.

 

“I’ve known her for a long time, back when she first started spiraling out of control. She was my top buyer.” He said, not having to explain what he meant by ‘top buyer.’ “Then I saw what she was really going through and I talked to her. Little by little I got her to open up. I’m sure you have experience in that department.”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa said softly, looking at the girl they were talking about. “I do.”

 

“Then you know she really doesn’t have anyone else. I’m the closest thing she has to a best friend. All her other one’s bailed on her, ya know.” He said with a sigh. “I know how rough of a life she was because I have a similar. I just left it sooner than she did. I don’t want to see her go down the path I’ve seen a shit ton of other people go down.” Lexa could hear the sincerity in his voice.

 

“Thank you...for being there for her.” Lexa said after a few minutes of silence.

 

“Don’t thank me…” He said gruffly. “She’ a good kid who went through some shitty stuff.”

 

“She is…” Lexa bit her lip. “She’s...she’s at the hospital right now.” She told him, answering his question from earlier.

 

“What? Why?” He demanded.

 

“I don’t know how much she’s ever told you but...Finn-” Lexa started to say but was cut off.

 

“That fucking asshole.” She heard him snarl. “I’ll fucking skin him. Where is he?”

 

“The cops have him, but Murphy, he was with her before I was able to stop him.” Lexa said shakily.

 

“Fuck...she was just starting to get over it...was just starting to move on.” Murphy cursed a few more times. “That fucking bastard just had to pop back into her life again.” He sighed before asking. “How is she?”

 

“He...beat her bad..” She took a breath. “When I got there, he had her tied up. She was covered in blood. Cuts and bruises all over her...and he...jesus..”

 

“He raped her didn’t he…?” Murphy asked quietly. Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, biting on her lip to try to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

 

“I...she didn’t return my call so I went over to check on her and that’s when I found him with her...I tried...I just wish I would have been there sooner.” She admitted to him, a tear rolling down her face.

 

“Hey Lexa,” Murphy said softly. “She’s still alive right?”

 

“Yeah…” She replied shakily.

 

“Then you got there just in time.” He told her. Lexa blinked in surprise at his words. “If you had gotten there later than it may have been too late. So you got there on time. Yeah it would have been nice if you had gotten there sooner, a lot of shit would not have happened, but she’s alive Lexa. And that’s all that matters.” A sob broke out of Lexa after he finished. It took her a few minutes to compose herself.

 

“Thank you Murphy…” She said.

 

“Like I said, don’t thank me. I’m just looking out for the kid. I want the best for her, even though it may  not seem like that, and Lexa..” He paused. “I’m really glad she has you.” Lexa smiled, even thouh he couldn’t see it. “Hey, I’ve gotta go. I’ll be there later to see the kid. If she wakes before I get there, tell her John said hi.”

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Everything hurt. Like literally everything. When she breathed her ribs hurt, it felt like a snake was wrapped around her and was trying to squeeze her. Her limbs felt heavy, as if they were made out of led. She groaned as she tried to move them. She could hear different types of beeping near her, though from what she didn't know. She blinked open her eyes, squinting at the harsh light illuminating the room. Once her eyes focused she looked around the room, her mind telling her that she was in a hospital room. Why would she be-

 

She slammed her eyes shut as the memories came back.

 

Her mom. Being kicked out.

Finn. Him coming and beating her.

 

Lexa.

 

She opened her eyes again, her vision blurry once more but this time by tears. She looked around the room again and saw the brunette laying back in one of the hospital chairs next to the bed. Lexa’s head was resting on her arms, which were resting on the bed. Clarke looked at her, at least what she could see of her, taking in the sleeping girl. Lexa had some bandages on one of her arms, her hands were also wrapped up. Probably from punching Finn.

 

Clarke went to move her arm, but gasped as pain racked her body. She slammed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth as the pain past.

 

“Clarke?” She opened her eyes again to find deep green ones staring back at her.

  
“Lexa…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Murphy. Even in the show I love him so <3 Honestly in the story I really do love the "protector" vibe he has for Clarke.  
> And Anya being big sister to Lexa is my life too lol. :)


	15. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sappy Lexa <3 
> 
> (Why can't I have someone as good as her??)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fluffy and angsty. A bit of 50/50. But it's good.
> 
> Enjoy <3

Clarke stared at Lexa for a few moments before the dam behind her eyes broke and she let out a sob.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa stood over the girl, worried laced in her voice. “Please tell me what’s wrong?” She pleaded.

 

“I..I.” Clarke sobbed out. “Finn..”

 

“He’s gone Clarke.” Lexa said reassuringly, wrapping an arm around the girl, being as careful as she could be. “He’s gone. He won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”

 

“B-but h-he...he…” Clarke clung to Lexa like she was her lifeline.

 

“I know…”Lexa whispered, holding Clarke with care as the girl cried. “I’m so sorry he did this….I...I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop this..” She said, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks as well. Clarke only sobbed harder. Lexa rocked them both for a long while; until Clarke managed to fall back asleep, still clinging onto the brunette.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

The first week of Clarke’s recovery was probably the hardest either of them had experienced. Clarke wouldn’t speak to anyone; staring straight ahead blankly at the white wall in front of her. Her only responses were a shake of her head or a small nod. Not even Lexa could get her to say anything. She wouldn’t eat the first two days either. Not having the stomach to do so. It wasn’t until Lexa pleaded with the girl that Clarke took a few bites, to which Lexa was grateful for.

 

It hurt Lexa to see the girl so broken, much more than before. It hurt her even more when the blonde couldn't look her in the eye and there were times when Lexa would stand up to grab something or move closer and Clarke would flinch rather violently. It hurt Lexa to think that Clarke would ever think she would hurt her.

 

 _I have_. Lexa thought to herself. _I let that monster get close to her. In a way I have hurt her. I’m sorry Clarke_.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa sat in a chair next to the blonde’s hospital bed. Clarke was sitting up, watching a movie. Though Lexa didn’t even know which movie because she had her eyes on Clarke. In the beginning of the second week of Clarke’s recovery and Lexa was happy that the girl was recovering nicely, even if it was slowly. Clarke’s face no longer looked like someone took a baseball bat to it. The swelling had gone down a bit, she only had a few cuts that held stitches and a few of the bigger bruises on her face left. Though she still couldn’t open her right eye all the way just yet, still having a black eye.

Lexa’s eyes roamed the rest of her, taking in every detail of injury. Clarke had to wear a chest and back brace because her ribs were also still recovering, though the girl could at least breathe much easier than before. Her hand and part of her arm was in a blue cast. When the doctor had asked Clarke what color of cast, the blonde had looked at Lexa. Lexa had bit her lip and asked her if blue was alright, in which Clarke shrugged and nodded. There were bruises and cuts still scattered all over the blonde’s body. Lexa had seen most of them whenever the doctor’s changed her bedding. On more than one occasion Lexa had to calm the blonde when the doctor’s came to change her beddings or clothes. The doctor’s had let Lexa stay in the room day and night, even though visitors weren’t exactly allowed too, because she seemed to be the only one who could calm Clarke down at times. It also gave Lexa a sliver of hope; hope that Clarke wasn’t lost to her completely. She knew it was going to be a long process, but she was willing to be there for Clarke before and she was more than willing to be there now.

 

 _“The things you do for love._ ” Anya had told her a few days before. Lexa had rolled her eyes at her and gave her the bird. But she didn’t deny it. Lexa was falling hard for the broken blue eyed girl.

 

It still made her blood boil to think that Finn had touched Clarke. Doing unimaginable things to her...She remembered how relieved Clarke looked when the doctor had come in a few days after Clarke had woken up to let them know that Clarke was, thankfully, not pregnant with the bastard’s child. (Anya’s words not her’s.) Lexa didn’t know how Clarke would have handle it if she had become pregnant.

 

Lexa was so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t realized that the tv had stopped playing. Nor that Clarke was now staring at her.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke said, startling Lexa.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, looking up into devoid blue eyes. Clarke stared at her for a few minutes in silence. It made Lexa want to turn away and hide from the cold stare, but she would not back down.

 

“Why are you here?” Clarke finally asked, her voice a bit scratchy from having not used it in awhile.

 

“What?” Lexa asked with a frown. “What do you mean?”

 

“I meant exactly what I asked. Why are you here? In this room with me.” Clarke’s voice was stone cold, and Lexa would have flinched from the tone of it if she hadn’t had control over herself.

 

“I told you once before Clarke; I’ll always be here for you.” Lexa said softly, moving her hand to put it on top of Clarke’s. The blonde renched her hand away with a harsh glare thrown at Lexa.

 

“You say that; but were you there? Were you there Lexa when he came for me?” She spat out. This time Lexa did flinch, her eyes slowly watering.

 

“Clarke..I..I’m sorry..” Lexa breathed out.

 

“No. I don’t want to hear it.” Clarke said, Lexa could see her eyes get glassy as well. “People always make promises they can’t keep.” She shook her head, fists clenching the blankets. “You should go.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said leave Lexa. Just fucking go.” Clarke said, glaring at Lexa once more.

 

“Do you want me too?” Lexa asked softly after a moment. She wasn’t going to back down without a fight, she remembered pulling this exact trick with Anya all thoses years ago. Saying to Anya that she should just leave her.

 

“I..” Lexa’s question caught her off guard. Her glare faltered and she blinked in surprise. She thought Lexa would just go. She had been waiting for Lexa to leave since she woke up the first time. She was giving Lexa and outing, but why wasn’t she taking it?

 

“Clarke...If you want me to go then I’ll go.” Lexa said, praying to every god above that she wouldn’t say yes.

 

“I..I..” Clarke stuttered, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. Of course she didn’t want Lexa to leave..the one person to truly care for her..but she thought Lexa wanted to..

 

“Clarke. Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to go.” Lexa said, a bit forceful, but not to much. Clarke shut her eyes and shook her head before a sob let through her throat.

 

“I don’t know.” The blonde whispered, keeping her eyes shut. Lexa mentally let out a sigh of relief before getting up and pulling the girl into her arms as much as she could. Clarke cried for a few more minutes, gripping onto Lexa, before she relaxed a bit. Lexa realized she was falling asleep.

 

“...don’t go..” Clarke muttered sleepily before sleep took over.

 

“Never.” Lexa murmured, kissing her forehead before sitting back down, watching the girl sleep.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Lexa’s head shot up from the bed she was resting her head on when she heard a sharp cry from the body laying on it. She looked up and saw Clarke’s form shivering and twisting slightly. Thinking the girl had woken from pain, she was about to ask Clarke what was wrong when she cried out Finn’s name. Realizing it was a nightmare, Lexa started on the task of waking her up.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa whisper shouted as she tried shaking the girl awake. “Clarke please! Wake up!”

 

Clarke gasped and shot up from the bed, looking around wide eyed. Not a moment later a choked sob tore through her throat. Lexa climbed into the bed carefully and pulled the girl into her.

 

“Shh, Clarke, shh.” She said, rocking them both gently. “It’s okay, everything's fine.”

 

“L-lexa…” Clarke whimpered, breaking the brunette’s heart even more.

 

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” She reassured her. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked after Clarke had calmed down somewhat.

 

“...It was...Finn was there..and you…” Clarke took a shaky breath. “He..he killed you..and I..I couldn’t s-stop him..I tried b-but I c-couldn’t.” Her voice broke as she spoke. Lexa pulled her even closer to her.

 

“Clarke, listen to me.” Lexa said to her. “I’m right here. Alive. Finn is gone, put away for good this time.” She felt Clarke shake her ead a little. “Clarke.” She started to rub her hand up and down the girl’s back and arm. “Feel my hand. It’s moving I’m _alive_.” Clarke buried her head in Lexa’s neck and whimpered again.

 

“I thought you would leave…” Clarke said, her voice muffled slightly but Lexa still heard her.

 

“I told you Clarke, I’m here as long as you need me.” Lexa reassured her.

 

“Even after I told you to go…?” Clarke asked in a small voice.

 

“Even that.”

 

“What if...what if I no longer need you..?” The question made Lexa freeze for a moment. She had to think carefully on her next choice of words.

 

“I’m here as long as you want me here with you.” She said softly to the girl in her arms. Clarke was silent again, but Lexa could feel her smile against her neck.

 

“Lexa...thank you..” Clarke murmured, falling asleep once more.

 

“Anything for you Clarke…”

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

“Alrighty then. Here’s her medication for the rest of the day and the prescription you will need to pick up in the next day or two. She will need to take it twice a day for the pain. More if needed, but no more than four times a day. If the pain worsens even with the medication, come back in immediately.” The doctor, Nyko, said to both the girls. It was nearly a month after the attack and most of Clarke’s bruises and cuts were gone. She was still in her arm cast, that wouldn’t be able to be removed for another month or two, and she still had her chest and back brace. Her body was still tender and sore, but Nyko said it was normal. “Take it easy and come back into about a month to do a check up.”

 

“Thank you.” Lexa nodded to Nyko, giving him a smile. Clarke nodded at him, but kept her head down. Nyko gave Clarke a sympathetic look before giving Lexa a soft smile. He then turned and went back to his work. Lexa looked at Clarke, who had a hand on her casted arm, rubbing it lightly.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly. “Ready to go?”

 

“Uh..y-yeah.” Clarke said, following Lexa quietly out the building. Lexa was going to drive her home and stay with her for a while. Clarke didn’t know how to tell Lexa that she _couldn’t_ go home because she didn’t have a home anymore.

 

Lexa lead them to her car and opened the door for her. She frowned slightly when Clarke didn't get in. She looked up to see Clarke staring at the parking lot ground. She had been extra quiet ever since Nyko had said she was being released.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa said softly, taking a step towards her. “Are you okay?”

 

“Lexa…” Clarke started, biting her lip and looking away again. Her eyes started to water once more.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Lexa asked, putting her hands on the girl’s arms, squeezing them reassuringly. “Talk to me.”

 

“I..I can’t go home..” Clarke said softly. Lexa looked at her, patiently waiting for her to continue. “My mom..she...she doesn’t want me there..” A tear fell down, hitting the ground.

 

“She kicked you out?” Lexa bristled, anger shooting through her. Clarke nodded her head, looking down in shame.

 

“I don’t have a home anymore..” The blonde said so softly, Lexa almost didn’t hear her.

 

“You’ll always have a home with me Clarke.” Lexa said just as softly, pulling the girl into her arms. Clarke stiffened but after a moment she relaxed.

 

“But what about Anya..?” Clarke asked timidly.

 

“She’ll be fine. She was worried about you too, even if she doesn’t admit it.” Lexa said with a smile. Clarke bit her lip but nodded.

 

“Okay..”

  
“Now let’s go home.” Lexa said with a soft smile.


	16. SORRY NOT A CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this isn't a chapter, but I'm still internally screaming atm because of the trailer <3
> 
> currently working on the next chapter, it will be up within the next day or two <3
> 
> some spoilers of the trailer in this; so watch the trailer before reading this!!

Not a chapter, sorry but

 

WHO ELSE HAS SEEN THE SEASON 3 TRAILER AND PROMO????

 

I CANT

LIKe LITERALLY CANT RIGHT NOW x-x THIS SEAsON IS GOING TO KiLL ME sO X)

I CANT WAIT FOR IT UGH

 

WHO'S WITH ME?

 

I have literally been an internally screaming mess since this morning (when I first saw it) and I have seen it at least 40 times now...lol sorrynotsorry.

 

I'm really worried that they may kill off Lexa :( I mean, if the plot is good and calls for it...then I guess it's okay... (not its not lol) but I will be mad if she does die for nothing. But so far all characters death's have been necessary for the plot to thicken and stuff. 

 

AND WhaT Iss UP WiTh THE BLAKE SIBLINGS?!?!?!!? Like for reals!!!!!!! I freaking loved their relationship and now...ugh

 

Also...am I the only one hoping (praying) that the scene with Clarke's back is a clexa sex scene? 

(I will literally sell my soul for one)

 

And it was confirmed that the tatted back was Clarke's (there is a video on youtube (from twitter) of Eliza's reaction to the S3 trailer. lmao she is so adorbs <3 anyways at the part she says "oh that's me. lots of kissing in this" lol)

 

Comment what you think <3


	17. Attack her and you attack me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol this the title pretty much sums it up
> 
> And this is actually chapter 16, fwi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just finished my second to last final (have another tomorrow) and decided to finish this chapter up. Actually surprised I got it done this fast. 
> 
> Enjoy!

After getting back from the hospital, Lexa and Clarke had driven home to find the house empty. Anya must have been at worked; Lexa had told the blonde. After making sure Clarke had gotten her pain medication and a bit of food in her stomach, Lexa gave her a small tour of the house. After the tour it was clear to Lexa that the small blonde was fighting to stay awake on her feet, so she led Clarke to her bedroom to sleep.

 

“Lexa, I can’t take your bed.” Clarke said after they realized there wasn’t any other option, other than the couch, and Lexa refused to let Clarke sleep on it.

 

“It’s fine Clarke. The couch isn’t all bad.” Lexa said, trying to brush it off.

 

“But you shouldn’t have too..” Clarke said, biting her lip. “I feel bad for practically kicking you out of your bed.”

 

“Hey, don’t feel bad.” Lexa said, lightly bumping her shoulder with her own. “I’m the one who suggested it.”

 

“I..okay..fine.” Clarke sighed and slumped her shoulders in defeat, she was just too tired to really argue.

 

“Alright, let me show you where the pj’s are.” Lexa said before giving Clarke a tour of her room. After making sure Clarke was comfortable in bed, Lexa made her way out the room to the couch. Once there, she plopped down with a blanket and turned the TV on; making sure the volume was turned down in case she woke the sleeping blonde. After a few minutes, her phone buzzed. She took her phone from her back pocket and saw it was a text from Anya.

 

_1st General: How’s blondie doing today?_

_Commander: Doctor’s released her. She’s at our house; going to be staying awhile._

Lexa put her phone down and watched the show that was on TV; something about nuclear bombs destroying the Earth then 100 years into the future space people come to the ground to live. Or something like that. Her phone buzzed again.

 

_1st General: not that I don’t mind (pretty sure you don’t either ;)) but why?_

_Commander: you can’t see it but I’m flipping you off._

_Commander: her mom kicked her out, won’t let her back_

_1st General: save that finger for your girlfriend ;)_

_1st General: the fuck? bitch. well she’s allowed to stay as long as she wants. poor girl has been through shit these last few days_

_Commander: 1st off, not my girlfriend_

_1st General: yet ;)_

 

_Commander: 2nd; thank you._

_Commander: on second thought, no thank you’s will be given to you while you're being an ass_

_1st General: ;)_

Lexa chuckled at her friend’s reply, even if she was being an ass. She then turned her attention back to the Tv. Apparently the kids made it to Earth and are trying to cross a river. Everything seems to be going fine, Lexa thought, Goggles made it. Now for the-oh. Well that happened. Lexa frowned as the boy got speared. Okay, this show is a bit more interesting that I thought.

 

She finished half the season before turning in for the night.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

A blood curdling scream had Lexa jumping from the couch and flying into her room so fast.

 

“Clarke!?” Lexa said as she looked around the room for any signs of danger. Seeing nothing, her gaze turned to Clarke, who was now sitting up in bed with her knees to her chest. Lexa could see her shoulders shake viciously as a small sob escaped her mouth.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked as she rushed to the side of the bed. “Clarke, are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?”

 

“N-no.” Clarke stuttered, her voice hoarse.

 

“...Was it another nightmare?” Lexa asked softly. Clarke gave a small nod in reply. Lexa then gathered the shaking girl in her arms and onto her lap. She felt Clarke curl into her as she started rubbing her back in soothing circle patterns. Lexa held her for a good half hour until Clarke fell asleep. After making sure the blonde was asleep, Lexa quietly slipped out of the blonde’s grasp and out of the room. Just as she shut the door she heard a voice behind her.

 

“Fun night with blondie?” Lexa jumped at the sound of her friend’s voice.

 

“Jesus effing Christ, Anya.” Lexa growled lightly. “And no. Clarke had a nightmare, I was just making sure she went back to bed okay.”

 

“Oh.” Anya said with a slight frown. “What was it about?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Lexa said as she started making her way back to the living room. “She didn’t want to speak.”

 

“I feel bad for the kid.” Anya said, plopping down on the couch next to Lexa. Lexa sighed and leaned her head on the taller girl’s shoulder. “How are you doing with all this kiddo?”

 

“I’m dealing with it the best I can.” Lexa sighed. “I wished I could have beaten his ass more. But what’s done is done and I’m just glad Clarke never has to deal with him again.”

 

“Mhhmm.” Anya hummed, running her hand over the brunette’s hair. “Even though I joke about you too...I want you to know that if you two ever date then I’ll support you. The girl’s been through hell and you’d be good for her; and vise versa.”

 

“You mean that…?” Lexa asked softly.

 

“I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t mean it.” Anya replied.

 

“I don’t know if we'll ever be together…” Lexa sighed. “She’s seen too much bad of the world; been hurt to much.”

 

“Then show her the good side of it all.” Anya said, nudging her softly. “Show her that bad things can turn into good things. I know you’ll be able to. Hell, you’ve put up with her this long, are you going to give up on her now?”

 

“No, of course not.” Lexa huffed.

 

“Good. Because then I’d have to kick your ass for being stupid.” Anya chuckled. After a few moments, Anya started to hum a soft tune. One that Lexa recognized from her childhood. Her eyes drifted shut and she fell asleep to the calming melody of her friend.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“Clarke are you ready?” Lexa yelled from the bottom of the stairs. “We better get going if we don’t want to be late.”

 

“I’m coming, gimme a moment.” Clarke hollered back before looking back at the mirror in Lexa’s bedroom. It was a few days after Clarke was released from the hospital and it was time for the both of them to start school once more. Clarke was nervous to go back. She mentally prepared herself for the insults and jesters she knew she would be receiving today.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice started her out of her thoughts as the brunette stepped into her room. “Everything alright?” She asked in a concerned laced tone. Her eyes skimmed Clarke, taking in her outfit. (Which was technically Lexa’s, but they hadn’t had the chance to go and gather Clarke’s things from her mom yet.) The blonde wore dark jeans that were ripped at the knew, a black shirt with a red plaid over it, and her usual converse. Her back brace was put back on after having not worn it for the night. Her hair was up in a loose ponytail, a few strands sticking out of it.

 

“Oh, hey.” Clarke said to the other girl. “Yeah, I, I’m good. Ready to leave.”

 

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked. “We could take a few more days off if you wants. We don’t need to go back now.”

 

“No, no it’s fine.” Clarke said. “I’ll be okay.” _You can’t keep brushing off your education for me Lex...I can’t have you failing in life because of me._

“Alright..let’s go then.” Lexa said with a small smile, her heart bursting when Clarke returned it with a small smile of her own.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

So far the school day had been going okay. Lexa had driven them both to school and they went to English together. They had been stared at when they first arrived, with Clarke having a back brace and cast on her arm. The teacher had given them some of their missed work, but made sure they knew to take their time in returning all the work. Clarke had looked away when the teacher had looked at her with sympathy. Lexa had seen Clarke’s look and reached over to take her hand, squeezing it softly. When she got a soft squeeze back, Lexa smiled.

 

Lexa was so absorbed in Clarke that she didn’t notice two pairs of eyes glaring at her and Clarke.

________

 

Clarke was on her way to gym, thanking to whomever was watching above that it was her last class. Even though she had her pain meds for the day, she felt a small amount of pain. And walking around from class to class had exhausted her. She was ready to go home and take a nap. Maybe Lexa would want to cuddle… Clarke frowned as the thought ran through her mind. Since when did she want to cuddle with her? She knew the answer, but tried to deny it. For awhile now she had been trying to quiet the feelings she’s started to feel for the brunette. But for some reason, just being in Lexa’s arms made her feel safe. And sleeping in Lexa’s arms seemed like the only way she could get decent sleep at night.

 

She was so lost in her thoughts about the green eyed beauty, that she didn’t see the fist coming towards her face until it was too late.

 

Clarke cried out as she felt her lip split from the impact. She then let out a choked gasp as she was slammed into the wall. She a pair of arms on her left and another pair on her right, holding her down. She thrashed against her captors, but stopped when she felt a hand on her throat.

 

“Stop struggling bitch.” Clarke’s eyes widened as she realized who had her. Cage had his hand on her throat, Tsing and Emerson were on either side of her.

 

“Let me go!” Clarke yelled, trying to get out of their grips. She stopped and cried out when Cage punched her again.

 

“I said stop.” Cage growled out. Clarke gritted her teeth but stopped. The pain in her ribs was excruciating from getting rammed into, it was getting hard to breathe.

 

“The fuck do you want with me?” Clarke bit out, anger laced in her voice.

 

“What do you think whore?” Emerson said to her.

 

“You beat our faces in.” Cage sneered, smirking. “Now it’s time for us to repay the favor.” Clarke’s eyes widened as she watched him pull his fist back. She shut her eyes, preparing for the impact. But it never came. Instead she heard Cage cry out then Emerson swearing, before she was dropped on the floor, her shaky legs not being prepared for them letting go of her. The sight before her took her breath away.

 

Lexa stood in front of her, fists raised. She couldn’t see her face but she knew she was pissed off. Looking around her Clarke could see Cage holding his nose, blood gushing down it. Emerson was on his back, looking wide eyed at Lexa and Tsing was kneeling beside Emerson, glaring at Lexa.

 

“The fuck!” Cage yelled, gurggling a little from the blood in his mouth. He glared at Lexa when he saw her. “The fucking hell are you doing here?!”

 

“Stay away from Clarke.” Lexa spat at them.

 

“Our fight is with the blonde bitch.” Emerson said shakily, trying to be tough. “Not with you.”

 

“Attack her and you attack me.” Lexa snarled. “If you ever touch her again and I’ll make sure no one ever recognizes your faces again.” Cage spat blood at her before getting up. Tsing helped Amerson and the three of them took off down the hall. Once they were gone, Lexa turned back to Clarke, her expression became soft almost immediately.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, kneeling in front of her. “Are you alright?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Clarke said after taking a breathe. “T-thanks.”

 

“No need to thank me.” Lexa smiled softly. She stood up and held a hand out. The blonde grabbed it and Lexa helped her up. Clarke groaned and clutched her ribs after getting up. Lexa put her hands on her waist to help steady her. “Clarke?”

 

“Cage body slammed me into the wall.” Clarke grunted through gritted teeth. “Think he jostled some of my ribs.”

 

“I shouldn't have let them go.” Lexa growled, glaring at the hallway they had left.

 

“No, you did the right thing.” Clarke said quietly. “I don’t want you to get into anymore trouble.” _Especially if it’s because of me._

 

“I guess…” Lexa sighed. She wished Clarke could understand that for her, Lexa would bring the world to it’s knees if the blonde asked. “C’mon, we’re skipping gym.” She said, taking the blonde’s hand and walking to the school’s parking lot. She wanted to get back home so Clarke could take some more medication and clean her up. She also knew how much Clarke hated the class anyways.

  
“Oh thank god.”


	18. Love is Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa <3  
> Clarke :[  
> Abby >:(
> 
> Basically sums up this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a safe and happy Christmas!!! This week has been HECTIC but also lovely! I got to see my cousins two days before Christmas, then went to a family friend's on Christmas Eve. 
> 
> I finally managed to get this typed up today!! Sadly, though I will not be able to post this Wednesday lie I usually do because my family and I are traveling over seas to Europe to visit some family friends. I haven't seen them since the summer so I am extremely excited to see them again!!
> 
> Sorry if this is just nonsense to some and you just want to read the story lol anyways enough of me, enjoy this chapter <3

“Where do you wanna go Clarke?” Lexa asked the blonde from the driver seat of her truck. She had her sunglasses on and the window down as she drove around, not really going anywhere in particular. She glanced at the time and saw school was going to end in less than an hour. Anya was going to give her so much shit once she found out she sipped class again. Oh well.

 

“Um..I don’t know.” Clarke said sheepishly, rubbing her arm a bit. The first 15 minutes of the ride had been a bit awkward, in Clarke’s opinion anyways.

 

“Do you wanna go home?” Lexa asked, glancing at the other girl. Lexa had cleaned up the blood from the ut Cage gave her, which made Lexa even more pissed off at the guy, and checked the rest of the blonde just in case. Lexa could already see a bruise forming on Clarke’s face. She hoped it would fade soon, Clarke had enough bruises on her body already. “How’s your ribs?”

 

“I’m fine.” Clarke said honestly. After getting slammed into, her ribs had hurt like hell. But after Lexa had found some ice, where she had gotten it, Clarke won’t ask, the pain had dulled down tremendously. “I don’t really want to go home..maybe for some pain pills but…”

 

“Alright then.” Lexa nodded, a bit surprised. Ever since getting out of the hospital, all Clarke had wanted was to stay in bed. She was happy the blonde finally wanted to get out and roam. “We’ll make a pit stop then head out. Anywhere particular?”

 

“I...don’t know...can I think about it?” Clarke asked shyly.

 

“Of course.” Lexa smiled softly.

 

It took only 10 minutes to get back to Lexa’s house. Once there Lexa ran in to receive Clarke’s medication and a bottle of water. After getting back into the truck, Lexa made sure Clarke took her medication before running back inside to put it back. She was about to walk back outside when she saw something on the counter. She grabbed it and made her way out to the truck.

 

“Back.” Lexa said as she sat down. “Forgot to give this to you earlier.” She handed Clarke an iphone 5.

 

“Oh…” Clarke said, surprised. “You didn’t have to…”

 

“Actually, it wasn’t from me.” Lexa confessed.

 

“Then who…?” Clarke trialed off as she smiled softly. “John?”

 

“Yeah.” Lexa smiled back. She started the truck again and backed out of the driveway as Clarke started messing with the new phone. Clarke saw that John had put in all her favorite games and apps already on the phone. She also saw that John’s, Lexa’s, and Anya’s (though she didn’t realize he had Anya’s number) already listed as contacts. She smiled softly as she saw a picture of John giving the camera a thumbs up. Lexa watched the blonde from the corner of her eye before she took a small breath and spoke.

 

“Clarke.. May I ask you something?” Lexa said, not looking from the road.

 

“Yes..” Clarke replied, looking up from the phone.

 

“Um..” Lexa bit her lip, trying to think of a way to ask this question without sounding rude. “How come only you call Murphy..John?”

 

“...”Clarke stayed silent for a bit. Lexa was afraid she might have pushed the blonde to far. She was about to apologize when Clarke spoke. 

 

“It’s..not a pretty story..” Clarke said softly, looking down.

 

“There’s never been a ‘pretty’ story before.” Lexa said just as softly, giving the girl a small smile.

 

“I’ve known John for almost 5 years now.” She started. “He...When I first met him, it was soon after my father had died. And Finn...he started getting more…” She shrugged, not having to explain what Finn had started doing since Lexa already knew. “I snuck out one night. Away from my mom, who at the time was just starting taking drugs. I actually stole some from her and took it with me. I snuck into a club with my friend Octavia, she wasn’t living in the idle home space either, and the both of us smoke a shit ton of weed.” Clarke bit back a smile, remembering how her and Octavia's night started out great.

 

“But…” Lexa probed gently. She had parked the truck by an abandoned farm house, not to far away from the house. She turned in her seat to give the blonde her undivided attention.

 

“It started out great...Me and O laughing and joking around. In the club, no one really questioned us.” Clarke shrugged. “It wasn’t until we were on our way home when things went to shit. After dropping O off at her house, I made my way to mine. I was...attacked..by one of the guys that my mom owed money too...he tried..tried too…” Clarke sniffled, holding back tears. Lexa’s eyes widened as she realized what Clarke was implying. She rest a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “But before he could..John came out and took him off of me. He tried to help me, but being me I screamed at him and told him to leave me the fuck alone.” Clarke gave a watery chuckle. “He didn’t listen, obviously. He told me he saw me and my friend at the club, high as fuck, and wanted to make sure we got home safely. And he did.”

 

“Me and Octavia, before she moved, we went out partying every other day. Getting drunk off our asses and shit. I would sometimes bring some of my mom’s drugs, but after getting caught once and her beating me-” A shudder went down her back. “I wasn’t able to anymore. I...went up to John for some..after hearing from several people that he was one of the top dealers on the street...and he did. We started hanging out with him more and more...then when..Octavia and Bell left...I started going every single night. By then my mom had gotten worse. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that filled her life. We had lost the house. Finn got worse and worse...until he snapped…” Clarke took a deep breathe, words racing through her mind. She knew she shouldn't be sharing all of this with Lexa, but it seemed like she couldn’t stop now that she had started.

 

“I had lost everything..my dad, then my mom...my best friends..Finn…” Clarke shook her head, eyes tearing up. “I lost myself in a drunk haze. But..John was there to help..he offered to take me to his house one day when I yelled at him for trying to take me to mine. I told him there was no way in ‘any flying hell’ that I would go home. So.. he took me to his. I’d known him for two years by then...he let me stay there for a week..he said to come over whenever I needed….and that I would be safe there…” A few tears leaked out of her eyes. “He’s the only thing in my life so far that hasn’t left me…”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa said, her eyes watery from listening to the blonde’s story. “He’s not the only one now.” Clarke shook her head, shaking her head.

 

“Everyone who loves me leaves me...and it’s always my fault.” Clarke sobbed. Lexa wrapped her arm around the girl as best as she could in the truck, rubbing her back.

 

“shh..” Lexa shushed her softly. “Nothing has been your fault so far. Everything is going to be okay now.”

 

“I know…” Clarke said softly. “I  know things will be okay now…” Lexa furrowed her brow at the blonde’s change of tone. “I know because if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that love is weakness.”

 

“Clarke-”

 

“If you can put in feelings then they can’t hurt you.” Clarke said, pulling away from Lexa. Lexa stared dumbfounded at the blonde. Her heart cracking slightly.

 

“Clarke...love is not weakness...love can be strength.” She said softly, trying to get the girl to look at her. Her heart ached for the girl she loved to see it. To see that love is anything but weakness.

 

“Yeah.” Clarke snorted. “Well I have yet to see it.” Lexa stared at the back of the blonde’s head, trying to come up with something to say. “Can we go to the store or something?” Clarke asked, still not looking at Lexa. “I want to get a phone case..”

 

“Uh..yeah..sure we can..” Lexa said before shaking her head softly, and starting up the truck again.  _ Love is strength, Clarke. And I’ll prove it to you. _

 

______________________________________________________________________________

Lexa pulled up to the mall in town. Once there, Lexa took Clarke to one of the electronic stores to see if they could find an iphone case for her. Clarke ended up finding a black phone case with semi dark green stars on it. They bought the case and decided to go eat.

 

“Alright, food choices are pizza, Mcdonalds, chinese, and some taco place I think.” Lexa said once they reached the food court.

 

“Um..pizza Chinese sounds okay.” Clarke said once they sat down at a table.

 

“Alright, stay here and I’ll go get the food alright?” Lexa asked, standing up.

 

“Actually, I was going to use the restroom..if that’s alright with you.” Clarke said, she too standing up.

 

“Of course.” Lexa smiled before turning and walking to get the food. Clarke watched her go before leaving the food area and walking back to where she saw the bathrooms. She walked into the family one, not really feeling like using the bathroom with several other people. and did her business. On her way out she bumped into someone, almost knocking the both of them over.

 

“Oh, I-I’m so sorry.” Clarke stuttered an apology, but stopped when she saw who it was. Abby Griffin stood in front of her. 

 

“Clarke.” Her mother seethed with barely controlled rage at seeing her daughter. 

 

“M-mom.” Clarke took a step back into the small room, in which Abby took a step forward. “W-what are y-you doing here?” Fear layered Clarke’s voice.

 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Abby snapped back. The door shut as Clarke’s back hit the wall, letting Abby tower over the young girl. Clarke could smell the alcohol on her mother’s breathe.

 

“W-hat?” Clarke asked, eyes wide.

 

“Where have you been these last few weeks?” Abby growled. Clarke stared wide eyed.

 

“Y-you kicked me out..I-” Clarke stopped as her mother got impossibly closer. 

 

“Have you been with that girl?” Abby asked. 

 

“W-who?” Clarke asked, feigning ignorance. She flinched as Abby raised a hand.

 

“You know who the fuck I’m talking about.” Abby snarled. Clarke opened her mouth to answer but a knock on the door shut them both up.

 

“Clarke? You in there?” Lexa’s muffled voice sounded through the door.

 

“Y-yeah!” Clarke answered. “I’ll be just a moment!” She said as calmly as she could. Abby narrowed her eyes.

 

“I guess that answers my question.” Abbya said, looking at her daughter in disgust.

 

“Mom-” 

 

“Shut up.” Abby said, leaning back in. “I want you back at home in…” Abby pretended to look like she was thinking. “I’ll be generous and give you until the end of the week. If not, then I’ll make sure your precious Lexa won’t be around to protect you anymore.” Clarke sucked in a breathe, eyes tearing up. Abby stepped out of the way to let Clarke through. “Oh and Clarke,” Abby said just as Clarke reached the door. “If you tell Lexa about our..meeting, I’ll make my end of the deal a reality whether you get home by the deadline or not.” Clarke could only nod as she opened the door, making sure her mother was out of Lexa’s eye sight, before closing it behind her.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Lexa asked with a concerned smile. “You were in there a bit.”

 

“Oh, uh yeah.” Clarke said with a shrug and small smile. “I’m fine, just had to take care of, uh some things.” 

 

“Alright.” Lexa shrugged. “Well, the food’s at the table. Hungy?”

  
“Yeah.” Clarke lied..  _ No I’m not.  _ Her appetite disappeared as soon as she saw her mother; her words echoing in her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the day: What was some of the things your received for Christmas??
> 
> Answer: I got 3 sugar gliders!! A completely white one (Az) a regular one with a white tail (Skai) and a lightly colored one (Emori) I used to have a few about 3 years ago, but they died and I was really really sad about it. So when I walked downstairs to see this huge ass cage in my living room, I screamed lol.  
> I also (finally) got a digital art pad, been wanting one for along time. So now I can draw online.  
> I also go a freaking hover board!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like wtf that was exciting and wayyyy unexpected. Each of my siblings got one.


	19. QUESTION

Okay, so I finished typing the next chapter this morning and I was rereading it, and I've come to a small dilemma. The way the chapter ended, I could either have it the last chapter of the story then I would write a sequel.... or I just continue a few more chapters after this one and end it. 

After I reread it like 5 times, a lot of ideas popped in my head for a sequel if I left it like this...but I don't know if I should or not...

Thoughts? Opinions? Pleeeease


	20. May we meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry...but you can't love someone who can't love themselves..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The end of the beginning.
> 
> I've thought about it for a bit, and after reading through the comments (thank you for those) I've decided that this will be the last chapter. I WILL be making a sequel because these two do deserve a happy ending. (they do, and they will in the next part, I promise) 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has been sticking with this story since the very first chapter (and if you came along after, thank you too <3) it means so much to me that people loved/enjoyed this story. When I first started typing I really wasn't expecting much more than maybe a 1,000 hits (because for me that's freaking fantastic.) You're comments/kudos and stuff helped me write this along. <3 Thank you all again <3

After they finished eating at the mall, they had gone shopping to get Clarke some new clothes before heading home. Clarke had told Lexa she wasn’t feeling too well and asked if they could go after a few shops. Lexa, thinking it was because the girl was in pain from earlier, didn’t argue with the blonde and drove them both back home. 

 

Once they arrived home, Lexa helped Clarke put away her things in Lexa’s room before she had to leave for work. She gave Clarke a quick apology, but Clarke brushed it off. She understood the brunette had other things to do other than look after her behind. Lexa had given her a small smile before grabbing her keys again and leaving.

 

Clarke stood in the living room of the house for short while after Lexa left, taking in the quiet. It didn’t bother her. She was used to the quiet. The only thing she didn’t like about it was that it gave her too much room to think. And think she did.

 

She thought about everything that’s happened to her that year. She thought about the bullying. Finn. Her mother. She closed her eyes and bit her lip. Her mother’s voice pounding in her head. She didn’t want to think about it right now.

 

She sighed and shook her head before grabbing a glass of water and some more of her medication. After taking it she decided it was a good time for a nap. A lot had happened these last few days, and she didn’t want to have to deal with them just yet…

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke gasped, bolting upright. She looked around the room, taking a moment to recognize it, but once she did she closed her eyes and tried to catch her breathe. But once she did, the tears came. She let out sob as the images from her nightmare came back to her. Her mother had come and killed Lexa. In her dream, her mother had made true of her promise. Clarke sobbed again, clutching her knees to her chest; rocking her body slowly. 

 

She shook her head as she sobbed. 

 

“I can’t,” She cried softly. “I can’t let that happen to her.” She breathed in, eyes closed. “I-I can’t let her get hurt….I c-can’t let...not her..” 

 

She got up from the bed on shaky feet; stumbling over to Lexa’s closet, tears blurred her vision. She couldn't stay another day. Not one more if it meant Lexa was on danger. She couldn't lose anyone else. Not again. Not when she could prevent it this time.

 

Tears dripped down her face as she threw her clothes on the floor. She grabbed her school bag, which was by the bed, and dumped it out. She wouldn’t be needing the supplies anyways. She wasn’t planning on going back to school after this. She then started shoving as much clothes as she could stuff into the bag. She sobbed as she did.

 

“Clarke…?” She froze as she heard Lexa’s soft voice. She glanced up at the slightly opened window and mentally cursed herself when she saw how late it was. She should have checked to make sure no one would have caught her. She swallowed, but didn’t turn towards the brunette. She could feel fresh tears build up in her eyes. 

 

Damn it. Clarke gritted her teeth. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But then again, a lot of things weren’t supposed to be the way they were.

 

“Clarke…”Lexa tried again, taking a step forward. “What...what are you doing..?” She watched stand up, putting the bag on her back before she turned towards the brunette, slowly. 

 

“I...I..” Clarke tried, but her throat felt like it was closing up. Her emotions rising to the surface. Fuck. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to talk to the brunette. She wasn’t supposed to get this attached.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa said, trying to hide the panic she felt trying to claw its way inside her. “What’s going on?” She saw the tear stains on the blonde’s cheeks. Her heart clenched painfully, trying to come up with a reason why the blonde would be standing in the middle of the room with her bag and in tears. She came up with only one reason, and it broke her heart.

 

“I...can’t...I can’t stay here anymore…” Clarke managed to say.

 

“What...why..?” Lexa asked, trying to stay calm. 

 

“I just...I can’t…” Clarke said, the hand on the bag tightened. She couldn’t explain why she had to leave.

 

“Please Clarke..” Lexa said, stepping closer. Clarke only stepped back.

 

“It’s better this way Lexa.” Clarke said. She felt sick. She felt the bile rising in the back of her throat. She hated herself for the pain she was causing Lexa, but it had to be done.

 

“What’s better? You’re safe here Clarke.” Lexa said, tears stung her eyes. “Why do you feel like leaving now?”

 

“I...you wouldn't understand.” Clarke said through gritted teeth, feeling a few tears fall down her already soaked cheeks.

 

“What? What won’t I understand?” Lexa pressed. “Please Clarke.”

 

“I’m a fucking burden Lexa!” Clarke shouted. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt her body shake slightly. “I can’t keep weighing you down! You can’t keep taking care of me and abandoning your own life for me!”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa said softly. “You’ve never been a burden to me..”

 

“I..” clarke shook her head. She had to leave. She had to get out. She felt like a trapped animal. She wanted to run. “I’m sorry… I just can’t…” She said and started to make her way out of the room.

 

“Clarke wait! Please!” Lexa said, catching her arm and stopping her. Clarke froze, unable to look at the brunette. She knew if she did she would lose the wagin war in her head and she would stay. She wanted to stay, so bad. But she couldn’t.

 

“Look at me..please…” Lexa asked, a few tears escaped her eyes. It took a moment, but Clarke turned her head, closing her eyes. “Open them, please?” So she did. Deep caring green met hurt, watery blue.

 

“I can’t Lex..” Clarke said once more, voice cracking. “I’m only going to hurt you...or..or..”

 

“I’m going to hurt you?” Lexa whispered, hurt clouding her tone. Clarke’s silence told her her answer. “Clarke..I would never hurt you..”

 

“H-how do I know that?” Clarke said with a sniffle. “How can I believe it?”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa bit her lip. She had to make the blonde stay. She had to show her that she wasn’t a burden to her. She had to tell her. “I care..so so much about you.”

 

“I know Lexa..” Clarke let out a sobby chuckle. “Besides John, you're the only other one really that's shown it. And I..I appreciate it so much…” Clarke took in a shaky breathe. “You’ve done so much for me and-”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa said, cutting her off. “You don’t understand how much I care for you.” She needed to show her just how much she cared. And there was only one way she knew how. 

 

“Wha-” Lexa’s lips pressing onto Clarke’s stopped the blonde from asking her question. Clarke froze as soon as she felt the slight pressure. Lexa held still against the blonde, her bravo fading with every millisecond that passed that the blonde didn’t respond. She was about to pull back; to apologize for being so blunt, when she felt the bonde start to recuperate.

 

Clarke moved her lips against the brunette’s softly. The bag dropped from where it was hanging lightly from her shoulder as Lexa cupped her hand on Clarke’s cheek. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity. until they both needed to breathe. Lexa broke them apart, for them to catch their breaths but them angled her head a bit. Her nose brushed against Clarke’s as she went in for another kiss, but the blonde pulled again. Lexa blinked in surprise, before looking down at the girl.

 

“I..I’m sorry…” Clarke stumbled, tears in her eyes. “I just...everything that’s been going on...I’m not ready for...a relationship…” Lexa blinked away the tears in her eyes at the small reject, but Clarke’s next words brought hope. “Not yet…” Clarke looked up at Lexa with watery eyes, hoping Lexa would understand. 

 

She did. Lexa nodded, giving the blonde girl a small smile.

 

“It takes as long as it takes.” She said softly. “I’ll wait forever if I have to.” Clarke bit her lip and nodded, a few tears ran down her face. Lexa wrapped her arms around the girl and hugged her tightly. 

 

“Stay…? Please?” Lexa whispered, hoping the girl had changed her mind. Clarke nodded hesitantly.

 

“Okay…” Clarke whispered, trying to stop crying. Lexa kissed her forehead before scooping her up and walking towards the bed. She placed Clarke down before settling in next to her. She then wrapped her arms around the still shaking blonde and pulled her back to her chest; so that they were spooning.

 

“Is this okay?” Lexa whispered. Clarke nodded.

 

“I’m sorry…” Clarke whispered after a few moments. 

 

“For what?” Lexa asked, just as softly. 

 

“For..”  _ For the pain I’ll end up causing you. For falling in love with you. I didn’t mean for it to happen… _ “For...everything I guess…” Clarke shrugged.

 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Lexa whispered, kissing the back on her head. “I’m going to wait, Clarke. I’ll be here until you don’t want me here with you anymore. And if, if we have to stay friends all our lives for that to happen..then so be it.” Though Lexa hoped that one day they would be able to move past all of the horrors Clarke’s faced and be more than just friends. 

 

“Maybe…” Clarke said, so quietly that if the room hadn’t been silent, Lexa wouldn't have heard it.

 

“Goodnight Clarke.”Lexa said, closing her eyes and hugging the smaller girl close.

 

“Goodnight...Lexa.” Clarke whispered back. But keeping her eyes open.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke slowly untangled her limbs from Lexa’s, making sure the brunette stay asleep. Once she was out of the bed and onto her own feet, she moved one of the pillows in her spot. She froze when Lexa shifted.

 

“Clarke..” The brunette mumbled before hugging the pillow closer, a ghost of a smile on her lips. Clarke blinked back the tears that had begun to build up once again. She shook her head and willed them away (with no such luck.)

 

She quietly went over to her discarded bag and picked it up, putting it over her shoulder. She looked back at the sleeping girl on the bed. She walked back over and looked down at her.

 

“I’m sorry Lex..” She whispered, a tear dripped down. “But I can’t let you get hurt...not because of me…” She shook her head softly. “I...I’ve fallen in love with you...I’m sorry for that...you can’t keep falling deeper into my world...you can’t love someone who can’t love themselves..” She bit her lip to stop a sob before bending down and pressing a light kiss to Lexa’s forehead. She then turned to the door.

 

“May we meet again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might finish "Predator Gone Prey" before I post the next part of the story. I've already got a title in mind "Running away (but only from you)" so keep an eye out for it ;)


End file.
